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4 Ways Abusive Men Dodge Accusations That They Are Being Abusive

Abusive men come in different packages. They can come from a wealthy or poor family, educated or uneducated, or they can be old or young. They can be successful professionals or downright losers. But one thing abusive men have in common is how they always avoid accusations of being abusive or they try to rationalize it.

So in this article I’m going to talk about the different ways abusive men dodge accusations that they are being abusive and in this way prevent them from making you think that you’re going crazy to even think such a thing.

Do any of the following sound familiar?

  1. Making Excuses: They don’t accept responsibility for their unacceptable behavior but rather try to justify it by making excuses. For instance, if your husband beats you, he will give excuses such as “I’m sorry I lost my temper, it was a really tough day for me at work today” or “My headache was very severe so when you kept nagging I just lost control” or “I was drunk, I did not know what I was doing”.

  2. Minimizing The Abuse: They often try to talk you into taking the incident of abuse as nothing important. It is a less extreme form of denial since they do not deny that the event occurred, but only question your reaction to it. Examples of minimizing lines abusive men use are “You’re blowing things out of proportion”, “You’re just exaggerating things”, “It wasn’t that bad”, and “you’re just too sensitive”.

  3. Redefining The Incident: They will make it appear like they’re not the one having the problem …but you instead. For instance, if he emotionally abuses you by treating you like a “nobody” or as if you don’t exist, he will try to explain how he treats you by saying something like “You’re too boring; your own friends don’t even like your company. I don’t want to be dragged into your boring world, so I enjoy myself in the company of others.”

  4. Blaming Others: Instead of accepting accountability they will put the blame on others. It’s as if others caused them to act the way that they did. For instance, if the abuser hits the children, he might blame the mother by saying “Had you not left the children under my care, I wouldn’t have hit them in the first place”. Or if your husband hits you while you were trying to calm him down (while he was arguing with another person etc), he will justify his action by saying things like “It’s your fault, you shouldn’t have interfered.”

Just know that just because someone has a way with words and can make a case for the abuse they’ve done to you, it doesn’t mean that they are right and you are wrong. Abuse is always wrong, no matter how it is defined or worded or what excuse the abuser gives for their actions.

Need more help?

Yes, how do I spot the signs of emotional abuse in physical behaviors?

What classifies a woman as abusive?

How do I make a relationship last after the initial spark has gone?

Is cheating a natural or learnt behavior?

What do women really lie about?


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