2 Stupid Words ...That Cause Constant Arguing And Fighting In A Relationship
Do you and your partner often argue in your relationship?
And sometimes it seems like these fights just appear out of nowhere?
And want to know how to resolve these conflicts?
There are many different reasons why people fight in a relationship or marriage. Some of these reasons are harder to fix than others …but ALL of them can be fixed (if you know what the real source of those fights are).
The core aim of relationship counselling is generally to try and find out these sources …and then fix them in order to resolve conflicts. In my book “”, I include a bonus manual where I show how to unearth the real source of fights in a relationship, and then how to fix these using a set of simple psychological techniques.
But unearthing the source of the fights is only one half of the problem solved, how you communicate with your partner (in response to knowing these sources) is the other half. And this is where the WORDS you use in your conversation with your partner is critical ...and stop fighting in a relationship before it even begins.
What kind of words should I use?
Moreso than what kind of words you should use, is the kind of words you should NOT use. And there are two words in particular you should avoid using as they can often escalate a conversation into a disagreement (and often more). They are:
- “Always”: It might seem like an innocuous word but if you use it on your partner during a disagreement, it can cause them to become defensive (at best) and retaliate (at worst). Neither of these outcomes is good or conducive to a healthy relationship. Technically speaking, it is unlikely that no matter what allegation you throw at your partner that it is ALWAYS true. “You always leave your socks lying around” might seem like a true statement to you, but to them they will know this is not “always” the case. Consequently, they are unlikely to simply accept your statement …and an otherwise easily avoided argument is created.
- “Never”: This word works in much the same way as “always”. All it does is invite an argument and pours gasoline on the conflict. It might seem like your partner “never” takes you anywhere nice (and this may be partly true), but they’re likely to respond with some example(s) of a nice place(s) they once took you. And so a needless argument is created. There are better and clearer ways to bring up a genuine gripe you may have. Just be smart in the way you phrase it.
As you can see, when you use either one (or both) of the above two words, all you’ll be doing is setting up a straw-man argument …which the other person will feel obliged to fight back against because in their mind they know it is false that they “always” or “never” do the thing that you are accusing them of.
Creating an argument and inviting the other person to fight back is never a good idea and gets both parties nowhere. This is how constant arguing is created.
Did you spot something about this technique?
In this article, I didn’t tell you what words to use on your partner as if there was some “magical formula” of words you can use on them that will make everything better. Instead, I told you what words NOT to use.
And this is key.
Much of building a healthy relationship (and avoiding fighting in a relationship) is not so much the things you do do …but avoiding the things you SHOULDN’T do or say. Often, happy couples don’t have a special secret that makes their relationship so great …instead they’re just clever enough to avoid saying or doing the things which unnecessarily annoy their partner.