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5 Signs You're Getting Too Comfortable In A Relationship (Complacency In Relationships)

How do you know if you're being too complacent in a relationship?
What exactly constitutes being too comfortable in a relationship?

Complacency in relationships is a killer. Very little is as unattractive in a long-term relationship as seeing the person who once made such an effort for you basically doing nothing. 

I know. I've been there.

I once dated a girl who in the beginning of our relationship together, always went out of her way to look attractive for me. Not only did this make her physically appealing to me (which of course helps in any relationship) ...but the fact that she was doing this specially for me made me feel good.

It made me feel like SOMEONE to her. I'm sure you know the feeling.

But then as time went by, things began to change. When we first met she used go to the gym 3 nights a week. Slowly she started giving excuses as to why she wasn't going as often as before ...until eventually she stopped going altogether. When we first met, she would wear sexy tight clothes when we'd go out. But as time went by however, she started wearing more baggy lose clothes.

Over the course of 18 months the change was obvious. She was after getting comfortable in the relationship and no longer making the effort for me as she did before.

The Result?

Dissatisfaction. And we broke up.

The core of any relationship is to make the other person feel positive emotions towards you in order to make them addicted to you. This is what makes a person fall in love. This is what I show how to do in my book "THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology".

In the book I show how to analyse the subconscious mind of a person in order to find out the specific things that cause that specific person to feel positive emotions. I then show how to make the person feel these specific positive emotions towards you ...making them addicted to you. This is what makes a person fall in love.

In the beginning of my relationship with this woman, she was making me feel positive emotions towards her (by making me feel like someone to her) ...making me addicted to her. But then as she got more and more comfortable in the relationship ...I began feeling less and less special and consequently felt less and less positive emotions towards her (in comparison to when we first started dating). 

I consequently became less addicted to her. 

Make Sure The Person Always Feels Addicted To You

When a person feels addicted to someone, they naturally assume that person is "The One". The problem though is that if you get too comfortable in a relationship, you will be making the person feel less and less positive emotions towards you ...and less and less addicted to you. And if this goes far enough, eventually you're partner might start questioning if you really were "The One" after all.

After all isn't "The One" supposed to make you feel great? ...and make all of lifes problems go away like they see in the movies?

The reality is that if your partner doesn't take you for granted and always makes you feel special, would you even think of throwing that relationship away? No! you need to make sure you're not making them feel taken for granted, but instead make them feel special. Complacency in relationships is a killer. 

So, how do you know if you're getting to comfortable in a relationship? Ask yourself these questions::

  1. Are you still learning about one another? Usually, you spend a lot of time learning about your partner’s life early on in your relationship. You are eager to hear about his childhood, upbringing, work, relationships, and just about anything. When you show interest in someone like this, you make them feel special (making them feel positive emotions towards you). However, as time goes by you may now think you know pretty much everything about them ...and consequenlty no longer show the same interest. One way around this is instead of asking for factual things about that person (which you will no longer be able to do to the same extinct as you did at the beginning of your relationship) ...instead ask them how they feel about things. When they mention a childhood memory you have heard a 1000 times already, ask them how that event made them feel. What would they have done differently? Be playful and ask what would they have done differently if you had been there with them at that event from their childhood. Be inventful and look for new ways of finding out hidden informtaion in events and things in the person lifes which you have heard 1000 times already. 

  2. Can you still recall the last time you’ve had a real conversation? Work, family, or community obligations often keep us busy and eat up most of our time. Conversations can become routine and overly factual. However, people are inherently emotional beings and they need ways to express this natural part of who they are. So, you need to try and make sure that some of your conversations dig a bit deeper. A good way to achieve this is to set a date night. The different set of surroundings will allow for an easier transition from the routine conversations you have everyday to the more real and intimate conversations a date-night can have. 

  3. Do you still do small things to show you care? Remember those special things you used to do before such as giving your partner a card or writing love notes etc? No? Then you've got too comfortable in the relationship and its been way too long since you did small things like this to show you care. You need to start doing these again. 

  4. Do you still try your best to look attractive and impress your partner? Remember my story above? Maybe you used to wear sexy outfits back then to make sure your partner was interested. Well, you should still be trying to make them interested. If you have to specifically put on "good clothes" when someone is calling around ...then you have got way too complacent in the relationship. Your partner is the most important person in your life. You should always be in your "good clothes" for them. Save the "bad clothes" for the neighbour! 

  5. Have you kept your body in good shape? There is two things in play here. When you take care of your body, your body will naturally look better for your partner. But, simply the fact that you are taking care of your body shows that you care enough about your partner to look good for them. So its a win-win situation. Both of these build towards making the person feel positve emotions towards you. Do you take vitimins? Do you go on an exercise bike in the spare room 2 or 3 days a week? When you demonstrate that you care about yourself, you indirectly show your partner that you care about them ...because who esle are you trying to look good for?

Want more info?

Yes, how can I tell if my partner is becoming emotionally distant?

What causes people to resort to relationship counseling?

Is it possible to make my ex boyfriend fall in love with me?

What questions should I ask to uncover someone's lovemap?