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Why do problems in relationships start to appear the longer a relationship goes on?

What causes problems in relationships?
Are problems in a relationship a sign that you just weren't meant to be together?

In short, there are several reasons why problems in relationships start to appear the longer a relationship goes on. But whenever you talk about problems in relationships (and couples compatibility with each other), you’re best to talk about it in terms of "Lovemaps".

I cover these in detail in my book “THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology” and how to use them to make a person fall in love with you. They are critical to understanding how problems occur in relationships ...and how to remedy them if they do. 

So, what is a "Lovemap" exactly?

A Lovemap is a subconscious list of things we all have in our minds of what our ideal partner would be. The reality is that a persons lovemap specifications are not fixed ...but can change as time goes by.

Let's take an example...

Consider a situation where a man and woman both fall in love because of a series of matching specifications on their Lovemaps. The woman in the relationship smokes 20 cigarettes a day, however this had no effect on the man as his parents both happened to be smokers so he was brought up in a household were smoking wasn’t an issue. Therefore finding a non-smoker was not necessarily one of his Lovemaps specifications. So her smoking habit was never an issue.

But then an economic recession hits and both partners find their paychecks reduced and have to cut back on personal spending habits. Now while the mans Lovemap had initially no problem with her being a smoker, his subconscious might now become repulsed by her being a smoker because of all the disposable income it's eating up.

But This Can Be Fixed! …If You Understand How Lovemaps Work

What's happened here is that the mans lovemap specifications have changed ...and his partner hasn't modified her actions to match this. Now she wouldn't necessarily have to stop smoking. Instead she could fix the relationship situation simply by:

  • Cutting down on how much she smokes (thus having more disposable income)

  • Work longer hours at her job (thus having more disposable income)

  • Or find another way of reducing their outgoings (thus having more disposable income)

All 3 of these directly address the root cause of the problem in the relationship. As you can see, it’s not the smoking itself that’s the issue for this guy – it’s the money it’s eating up. Here you can see how peoples lovemaps change in a logical way.

Just Remember…

To keep on eye on the other persons lovemap and see how any changes they may develop might be at odds with how you satisfy it. The specifications on a persons lovemap might change over time simply as the way they view the world changes or as in the above example a sudden outside force caused them to change.

Just be aware that the specifications on a persons lovemap CAN change and if you want to keep that person in love with you, you have to make adjustments accordingly. This is the most effectient way to avoid problems in relationships. Now you don't have to change the essence of who you are - but rather, like in the above example, find a logical way to harmonize yourself to the persons new specifications.

Need more help on how to fix a relationship?

Yes, which pieces of relationship advice should I avoid?

How can I tell if we need couples therapy?

How can I make a long distance relationship work?

What can I do if my relationship is in trouble?


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