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3 Unconventional Tips For A Healthy Relationship

Tired of the same old relationship advice out there?
And want some new relationship advice that actually gets results?

Popular wisdom tells us that certain things are a “no-no” in a relationship. But believe it or not, these exact things can, on occasion, get couples closer together and build a healthy relationship. Sometimes doing the EXACT OPPOSITE of what we've been told is the "right thing to do" ...is actually the BETTER thing to do.

Lets take a closer look at some of these ...and see just how we can use these apparent contradictions to your advantage in helping strengthen your relationship.

3 Unusual Tips For A Healthy Relationship

Consider the following (but of course, with caution):

  1. Lie: Ok, lying might seem bad ...but let me explain. They say that honesty is always the best policy, especially in relationships. But the truth is that this isn’t always the case. When it comes to the idea of always telling the truth in relationships, Bella Depaula Ph.D., author of "Behind the Door of Deceit: Understanding the Biggest Liars in Our Lives" says that she would "never suggest or encourage this".  The reality is that sometimes telling a lie is much better than the truth. An example of a lie that I’m talking about is saying “He or she is not my type” when a very attractive person flirts with you ...or saying "My ex was terrible. They were so annoying" if your partner brings up your ex. When it comes to relationships, lies that reassure your partner (or protect your partner’s feelings) ...are a GOOD thing. All other lies are BAD as they only invite potential reasons for your partner to distrust you if your lie gets found out. 
  2. Fight: Fighting doesn’t necessarily indicate that you’re not good for each other. In fact, not fighting at all can be unhealthy for your relationship as it can eventually make you develop resentment for your partner, which is detrimental to any relationship. So fighting is a way to avoid building up dirt. Harriet Lerner Ph.D. says "A good fight can clear the air" as it paves the way for you to bring out your issues, differences, frustrations, and dislikes so you can do something about them. Just make sure to fight in a healthy way that at all times respects your partner. Lerner says the number one rule to a healthy fight is to "make rules for how you as a couple will treat each other". This includes things such as no name calling or bringing up past grievances etc. Fighting without respect ...is how divorces happen. 
  3. Be Selfish: They always tell you to compromise. But guess what? Being selfish once in a while can be a good thing ...for both of you. But you need to understand the difference between "good" and "bad" selfishness. John A. Johnson Ph.D. says that good selfishness is like a "two-sided transaction" where both people give up something in order to gain something ...while bad selfishness is like a "one-sided transaction" where one person gets what they want while the other ends up feeling victimized. So if you are going to be selfish about something, this must always be balanced by ensuring your partner gets to be selfish about something they want. Also, if you are going to be selfish about anything in your relationship, make sure you explain to your partner why you are doing what you are doing. Explain that you have needs and you are doing this solely to fulfill those needs ...not because you don't love your partner or want a fight. If you want to hang out with friends one night but your partner wants you to stay in with them ...explain that you are going to hang out with them, not because they are "better entertainment" than you but that you need a night out to relax. This way your partner is not going to see you doing things your way as an "attack" on them or how you view your relationship together. Then explain how they can do something they want to do ...such as going for a spa treatment they may have been talking about. This way you both get to be selfish (a good selfishness) and have each of your needs meet. 

These tips for a healthy relationship need to be based on a foundation of  respect and good communication within your relationship. Without respect or good communication, any of the above (just like anything you are likley to do in your relationship) are not likely to work. 

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