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Should a girl ask a guy out?

At a recent seminar, I asked the question to the audience:

“Do men want to be asked out by a woman?”

The typical male response I got was “yes”. Many men said they didn’t like the pressure of having to ask the woman out and face the consequent rejection that can result from this. 

As a result, they said they welcomed the idea of women taking on more of an initiator role …and asking them out for a change.


That was only what the men said. What the women in the audience reported back was something VERY different. Women said that in the real world when it came down to it …men tended to be intimidated by assertive women.

So while many men might suggest that they’d like it if the woman did the asking out …when the actual situation arises they tend to be uncomfortable about such a situation.

It turns out that what men say they’d like and what they ACTUALLY like are two very different things. And it’s important to be aware of this fact when trying to move things forward with the guy you like and try and set up your first date together.

Intellectual Vs Emotional Realities

While intellectually men might say they’d like the woman to initiate …emotionally they’d prefer it if she didn’t and instead let the asking to them.

We could go through all the psychological reasons why this is the case (such as men nowadays may feel their role as a male has been eroded over the last few decades by the rise in feminism) …but none of these reasons would really be important.

All that’s important is how things actually are …not how we would like them to be. So if you want to know how to impress a guy - make sure you take this on board.

So, should a girl ask a guy out? Let’s face it, while I could write here that it doesn’t matter who does the asking out and that both men and women should be equal in this regard …the reality is that generally speaking both men and women secretly tend to want it to be the man to do the initiating.

I’m not saying that’s right or wrong …I’m just saying that’s the way it is.

Live In Reality …Not In Fantasy

I’m guessing with regards to the man you like/love …that it’s more important that you get him on your arm and make him fall in love with you …rather than trying to live out an idealistic world where it doesn’t matter who does the asking out. That’s a smart approach because it’s dealing with what is real …and not with what is fantasy. That's how you should go about impressing a guy.

In my book THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology …I go through the correct and incorrect way to initiate a date with a guy. And the difference between the two is crucial.

Of all the steps in the process of going from being just friends with a guy to getting him to develop feelings for you, the step of getting that first date is the most crucial. Handle it the right way …and you very well could be walking down the aisle with this guy in a few years time. Handle it the wrong way, and he’ll be walking down the aisle with someone else.