Is Getting Back With Your Ex a Good Idea?
So you’re considering getting back with your ex after a break up. This is a natural reaction but what a lot of people don’t stop to do is question – Is it actually a good idea?
After a breakup, a person experiences a lot of emotions that are not actually attributed to their ex or any love they may think they feel for them. Let me explain. Approx 95% of breakup pain is internally focused such as:
What will my family and friends think of me being dumped?
Will my enemies use this to gossip about me?
Your knocked and bruised ego at being rejected.
You want to prove to yourself that you CAN get your ex back.
The problem with these feelings is that they have nothing to do with “love” for your ex. And they be things that are motivating you to get back into a relationship that might be better if it stayed broken up.
So I shouldn’t be getting back with my ex?
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t get back with your ex. But what I am saying is that before you entertain the idea of doing so, you should analyse the relationship you had with your ex and make sure that it’s one that’s worth saving.
To help you decide if you're doing the right thing, try to analyze first the nature of the relationship. Were you in:
An unhealthy relationship: He often tells you he loves you but shows otherwise. He makes tons of promises but never really keeps them. He's there when things are going smooth but then leaves you hanging when things get bumpy. He asks a lot from you but then takes you for granted. He spends time with his friends but never makes an effort to keep you company on important days in your life.
If you are in this kind of relationship, it probably wouldn't be a good move to get back together. Why? Because relationships are a two-way street. It's about giving and taking at the same time. A relationship will never succeed if only one person is exerting the effort to make things work.
An abusive relationship: Sometimes when we feel mad, we tend to say things that hurt. But getting verbally abused, whether in public or private, is a different issue. No matter how tired or tensed a person is, it is never an excuse to be rude to you, tell you that you're stupid or humiliate you in public. It is damaging to your self-esteem. You deserve to be treated with respect and value.
Some people also experience physical abuse from their partners. If your partner slapped, smacked, kicked or punched you before and he promises you that he will never do it again, DON'T BELIEVE HIM. If he has done it to you once, he’s likely to do it again.
If sexual abuse is in the picture, then can you ever really be happy with him? You do not deserve to be forced into doing a sexual act that you do not like. Remember that abuse is not associated with love.
A committed relationship: You fight but decide to compromise afterwards. You make it a point to spend time together. You support each other and are happy for your individual growths. You both exert the effort to make things work. And most of all, you treat each other with respect, trust, care and consideration. If your relationship was like this, then perhaps you really do love each other and can still fix things.
Final Thought On Getting Back With An Ex
If you've been in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, then I can’t offer you any solution other than to just walk away. No one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself and put you down. You deserve better than that. So getting back with them is not the way to go.
If you were in a committed relationship, it’s a different story. A healthy relationship is always worth trying to save.
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