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What To Do If You Catch Your Partner Cheating In The Act

When cheaters are caught in the act, it usually sounds the death knell of any relationship. This is because when cheaters are physically caught together by the person being cheated on, it's that much harder to forget because the person is left with a mental image of their partner with someone else.

Catching a cheater in the act usually also has the added problem of such a strong emotional outburst on finding their partner with someone else that it could escalate into violence. With this said if you suspect your other half is cheating you may want to question if you actually want to catch them in the act or use other means to find out if they are cheating.

While it's hard to condone being underhanded in trying to find out if your other half is cheating, it is however better than having to see them face to face with someone else. Ways to catch a cheater can include:

  • Watching how many kilometers or miles they put up on the car

  • Looking at the numbers on their monthly phone bill

  • Checking any receipts lying around for hotels or restaurants etc

While these can tell you if something is suspicious, it's always the preferred route to actually talk with your other half about your concerns and tell them exactly what’s causing you to believe that they are cheating.

Dealing with cheaters caught in the act

  • Turn around and leave: It's not easy to stand in front of your partner and their lover and keep your cool, so it's a good idea to simply turn and leave. Don't say anything, don't throw anything, and don’t hit anyone. Just leave and don't enter conversation with either of them and you will look the stronger for it.

  • Control your anger: The initial overwhelming feeling you experience with seeing cheaters caught in the act quickly turns to anger. This is why I recommend getting out of the environment as soon as possible. Go somewhere where you can be on your own. Out of everyone’s way you can shout, scream, cry - whatever it takes to get this initial anger out of you.

  • Cooling down: It's best to leave things settle down after finding cheaters caught in the act. Avoid communication with your partner for the next few days to allow yourself to logically examine the situation and see if you have any desire to want to find out why they cheated and whether you both can still have a future together.

  • Re-engage communication: Assuming your partner wants to talk about the situation and still wants to be with you, listen to what they have to say. By now, you've cooled down as much as you can and you'll have a clearer mind in being able to see if they mean any apology they give and if there's still a long term future for both you.

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What to do after catching a cheater

In controlling yourself in the above manner, your partner will be forced to have respect for you even if your future together is dead. You didn't do what they would have expected you to do on catching them cheating. Instead, you were the bigger person.

If you still want to take your partner back after catching them cheating, it's critical you don't do it easily as this will only send out the message that its "ok" to cheat on you. An important part in accepting a person back after they've cheated is both of you going to relationship counseling. Doing this achieves 3 things:

  1. The counselor will establish the exact cause of why they cheated and show how to fix the situation so it doesn't happen again

  2. It acts as a means of punishment for your partner for having cheated and will relieve some the anger you're feeling towards them in a healthy manner.

  3. It shows that they are serious about trying to make amends and make things work.

If the person isn't willing to go to at least one session, it should display to you that they aren't truly serious about the relationship and that even if you did get back together, you'd have very little chance of preventing them from cheating again.

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