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How do I know if I have a lack of confidence?

There are a lot of reasons why people lack confidence. But one thing is certain, it is never inherited. No one is born with self confidence because it is something that is learned – not a gene.

So if you want to know if you have a lack of confidence, don’t look to your family or friends to see if they are confident, instead look within yourself to see whats going on inside you.

What is going on inside me?

Here are the common traits of self-confident people. If 10 or more apply to you, then you can be considered a relatively confident person. Less than 5, and you may need to examine some internal issues that may be causing you problems:

  1. They believe in themselves and in what they do to control their life.
  2. They accept responsibility for their actions.
  3. They have a balanced attitude and outlook of themselves and others.
  4. They are not rigid and can exercise flexibility in dealing with people and situations as they arise.
  5. They give themselves positive feedback and constructive criticism.
  6. They are not governed by “should, must, and ought to”.
  7. They learn from mistakes and consider the experience as helpful.
  8. They are able to do a realistic self-evaluation.
  9. They can be assertive without being aggressive.
  10. They speak calmly and moderately.
  11. They are honest with their opinions and discussions.
  12. They are open about their personal beliefs and don’t hide them.
  13. They walk tall and their body language conveys the self-confidence that they feel.
  14. They are supportive and don't need to be critical or judgmental to boost their ego.
  15. They are good listeners but not overly concerned about what others think or say of them.

What if I’m not confident?

If you feel many of the above don’t apply to you, then select a few traits from the above list and try to apply them to your own self. You’ll be surprised just what practicing being self-confident can do to eliminate your lack of confidence. You can do this with the aid of the following steps:

  1. Be aware of yourself: Identify the factors that affect your confidence. When do you feel confident and when do you lack confidence? Observe what you are doing during the times or situations when you lack confidence. Think of what you could change in yourself or what you can do to improve if that situation happens again.

  2. Accept yourself and be ready for challenge: Accept yourself for who you are and stop being a “why” or a “why not” person. Try going to a party alone. Do things which you think you cannot do. Being successful in an otherwise impossible task will surely boost your confidence.

  3. Change the “What will people think?” mentality: Realize that people aren't really thinking of you as much as they think about themselves.

  4. Be real: You don’t need to hide your weaknesses and failures. It is better to share them with people you trust. You may not expect it, but they can be very supportive and encouraging rather than judgmental.

  5. Be kind to yourself: Never see yourself as ugly or fat. And don’t call yourself stupid or a fool. You can’t expect others to view you positively if you don’t even treat yourself well.