5 Psychological Problems People Who Use Others Suffer From
When someone uses us, our natural reaction can be to think that this person is in some way superior to us. Afterall, they were able to control us in some way …and so we think they must hold some psychological advantage to us and we are inferior to them.
Let's take two examples:
- Example 1: When a person is conned by a con-man out of a large sum of money, we think the con-man was superior to the person being conned because they were able to out-wit the person they conned.
- Example 2: In a relationship, when someone is cheated on by their partner, the person tends to say to themselves “How could I have been so stupid?” …and so inadvertently attributes some type of superiority to their partner over them for having tricked them.
But these examples are only how the situations SEEM. It seems like the person doing the using is psychologically superior in some way, but the reality is very different.
In reality, when you dig a bit deeper into the psyche of people who use others, such people are NOT superior. The opposite tends to be the case. People who use others tend to carry a psychological deficiency …not a psychological superiority.
Let’s take a closer look at this…
Psychological Problems People Who Use Others Tend To Have
The following psychological problems tend to cause a person to become more reliant on using other people to meet their unmet needs:
- Lack Of Control: We all have an innate need to feel in control of something. Doing this helps us to feel secure mentally. For example, we like to have a secure job, a secure home/apartment, a secure set of friends, and a secure partner etc. If a person doesn’t have control in one area of their life it can cause a rebound reaction in the person where they try to control a person in order to feel secure in themselves. Their subconscious reasons that if they can control a person (any person) …then they are in control period. The less control such a person has in their life …the more they will try to control others around them to compensate for this lack of control.
- Lack of Ability: Which would you rather be - the Wimbledon tennis champion? Or one of the Wimbledon doubles tennis champions? Which would you rather be – a 10,000m Olympic gold medalist? Or a member of the relay team that won the 10,000m Olympic gold medal? We would of course naturally like to win the accolade on our own because it is more of an achievement when you do something all by yourself. With regard to people who use others, when someone has to use someone else to get what they want – it shows a lack of ability on their part. For example, if a guy has to get with many different girlfriends just to impress his friends …it means he wasn’t able to impress his friends on his own merit and so needed to use other people to get what he wanted.
- Narcissistic Tendencies: If someone feels overly superior to other people (narcissism), they will have a natural inclination to express that feeling of superiority over other people by using them or controlling them in some way. Narcissism stems from an area of weakness. Such people have to exaggerate their self-worth and create a persona of strength ...to cover over a reality of insecurity, weakness and vulnerability.
- Compensation For Past Inferiority: If someone was unable to defend themselves in their past, it can cause a reaction in them to seek out and search for someone to control as a compensation mechanism. The classic case is a bully. A large percentage of bullies were themselves bullied …and then seek out someone to bully in order to “transfer” the feelings of inferiority from themselves to the person they have now found to bully. If someone is using you (or taking advantage of you in some way), it might be because they themselves were used in the past and are now trying to use you as a compensatory mechanism for their past.
- Insecurity Issues: Some people who suffer from feelings of insecurity will try to compensate for this and end up using a person in the process. For example, some people who get dumped will immediately look for and jump into another relationship as a compensation mechanism to deal with the insecurity of being dumped. They use this new person to help them deal with the insecurity of being dumped - an insecurity they were too weak to deal with on their own and by their own means.
How To Block A Person From Using You
Only when you know the initial root cause of a problem can you begin to fix that problem. So, to block a person from using you, your first course of action is find out what it is that is lurking in the persons psyche that is causing them to have a need to use other people.
This may not necessarily be one thing but possibly a combination of one or more things (as we can see above). Check out my article “The #1 Psychological Trick To Stopping People Who Use You” to find out how to unravel the root cause of the issue that is causing the particular person you have in mind to use other people …and what to do to make sure they never use you again.