Skip to main content

What causes a crush? (Psychology of crushes)

To get over a crush, you have to examine what caused you to develop that crush in the first place. In psychology, understanding the root cause of a situation is key in being able to solve it. In your case you want to get over a crush so we should examine why you developed such strong feelings in that person to begin with.

Lets take an example of a girl that is lonely and didn't have many friends. Then she comes across a decent guy that had loads of friends and a great social life. She would naturally find herself becoming attached to him because he can provide an answer to her unmet need - he can help her have more friends. What happens at this stage is that her subconscious mind recognizes how valuable this guy would be to her. Guess what it does as a result? - That’s right, it makes her fall for him, so she'll try to keep him in her life.

This is what causes a crush.

In other words she developed a crush on him and fell for him simply because of an unmet need she had. It wasn't true love because the reason for the "love" was related to her own unmet needs. If this same guy was not as popular, and hadn't as many friends, her subconscious would have recognised him as being just like any other guy and not caused her to love him.

How does this help me get over a crush?

Understanding how fickle a crush can be will make you see that you really don't care that much about the other individual. It also demonstrates how replaceable they are. In my book "THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology" I explain the reasons why our subconscious falls in love with one person and not another. Crucially, to help get over a crush; I explain how these reasons can be dispelled, causing you to fall out of love with that person. Love is nothing more than thinking that that individual is important for you in some way. Your crush could be:

  • Funny,

  • Financially secure

  • Have good looks etc.

and this causes you to "love" them. To get over a crush you must understand that when your subconscious sees these qualities and how they can help you, it induces feelings in you for that person. It does this so that you'll try and get together with them. In other words, love is not some magical concept that depends on fate. It’s actually only a calculated decision made by your subconscious.

Hatred for someone works the same way. If someone caused you pain, then your subconscious will look for a way to cause you to avoid him or her and thus avoid that pain. In induces in you, feelings of hatred because this will make you stay away from them. Knowing that your pain is a result of the decisions taken by your subconscious is key in being able to get over a crush.

Was this helpful?

Yes, how do I move on after a break up using anchors?

How do I survive a break up and the consequent negative thoughts?

How do I get an ex back using the empty chair technique?

How do I reginite my ex's "hope" in me so we can get back together?

How can I use the power of absence to my advantage and get my ex back?