How To Control Unwanted Emotions
Want to know how to control your emotions?
Most people don’t realize that our emotions are often the direct result of choices we make in our life. This may seem counterintuitive at first but let’s illustrate with an example.
The next time you feel stressed try to control your emotions and avoid becoming stressed. With this in mind the next time you face a stressful situation the following pattern will unfold:
- You begin to feel stress
- Remembering your decision (that you would try to control your emotions) you repeat something along the lines of, “No, I am not going to be stressed about this.”
- Your stress level will begin to drop
- Over time the stress will return again and again and you will find that you have no other option but to feel stressed
This is how the decision to try to control your emotions works in reality. Not very well. It has an immediate short term effect …but this doesn’t last very long.
Ultimately you may feel that after this kind of struggle you can’t choose your emotions. To get over this and find a new way to handle your emotions read on below.
The First Step To Dealing With Unwanted Emotions
Being able to relax is a skill that can help you to deal with stressful conditions. Developing this skill will increase your emotional control and improve your capabilities in tough situations by reducing the intensity of the stress you feel and its effects.
The more relaxation techniques you know – the better.
And here’s why…
The more familiar your subconscious mind is with relaxation techniques and in using them - the easier your subconscious mind will shift automatically into using one of these techniques when confronted with a stressful situation.
You need to understand the way the mind works on a subconscious level. When confronted with a problem it will frequently go into a ‘default’ reaction. Your current default reaction may not actually be helping the situation. Rewiring your reactions by learning new techniques to deal with problems will help you to control your emotional state automatically.
Creating More Solutions For The Problem
Another step you should take is to find new methods for dealing with unwanted emotions and provide your subconscious mind with other alternatives rather than simply “fighting an emotion” or “giving into it”.
For example, rather than just trying to fight the emotion, another option may be to develop a new belief system about that emotion. With regard to stress, a new belief system might be one that says:
- “Stress will not help me”
- Or “I will be able to finish this task better without stress.”
This belief system will help program your mind that stress is a negative and should be avoided. Over-time, your subconscious will avoid the stress automatically for you …rather than you consciously trying to fight the stress (which is much harder to do).
You should always try to get your subconscious to work for you …rather than you fighting against your subconscious.
Making Yourself Aware
You need to make yourself aware that other options (such as developing a new belief system about the emotion) …are indeed available. I say this because when a person is trying to deal with an unwanted emotion (such as stress for example here) – the mind gets so taken up by this unwanted emotion that you won’t be able to access all of your mind’s resources.
Your mind gets CHOKED with the unwanted emotion.
And as a result, rather than making the best possible choice …you may make emotional decisions that end up hurting you more and perpetuating the emotional stress you are feeling.
In addition, prolonged bad emotions can result in depression. Depression is often a product of bad emotions that you are not being dealt with. And this depression can further limit your ability to realize and see other possible avenues to dealing with this unwanted emotion.
Wilfully learning new emotional management techniques and consciously applying them will ultimately lead to better subconscious reactions to stress. This will help you to control your emotional response to stress and other problems.
The key is to step outside your unwanted emotion, and view it from the OUTSIDE.
For example, if you try on a new coat, you don’t look down at your body to see how well it fits you. Instead, you look at a mirror so you can get an “outside” view of how you look in the coat. The same goes for unwanted emotions. You need to get an outside view before you can make a good decision on how to deal with it.
Step outside the emotion now and see which method is likely to work best for you. Learning relaxation skills is a good start. After that, consider re-programming your mind with a new belief about that emotion. Both of these methods will work towards programming your subconscious in a way that will make dealing with the unwanted emotion easier in the future.