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How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back (3 PROVEN Tips Based on the No-Contact Rule)

By John Alex Clark (Relationship Coach & NLP Practitioner)

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The no-contact rule is about not communicating with your ex for a certain period of time after the breakup. This is to make your ex miss you when you’re gone.

Now, the no-contact rule means ABSOLUTELY

  • No phone calls
  • No going over to his or her house
  • No text messages
  • No IM of any kind
  • No contacting him or her through your mutual friends
  • No posting of status on social media like Facebook that would obviously mean for them
  • No bumping into them “accidentally”

Additionally, after your breakup, your ex will be expecting you to badly miss them. So, if you don’t contact them in any way, it will cause them confusion. They will not be able to help but think:

  • What you’re doing
  • If they were right to dump you
  • If you’re suffering or not

Making them think these things is beneficial for you. It will make them wonder if they were right in dumping you – and that is exactly where you want their mind to go. Right now, if you want to get your ex back it is key to make them miss you like this.

In addition, in my book "THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology" I reveal how to program your exs mind (both now and when you next meet them) in order to make them fall in love with you. This ensures that that you not only get them back ...but KEEP THEM when you do.  The last thing you want is to find yourself dumped again in two months time.

3 Important Tips When Implementing The No-Contact Rule

You should cut communication with your ex for about 3-4 weeks. Consider the following when implementing the rule on your ex:

  1. Apologize: If you know that they weren’t happy about something or if you know that you did something that made him or her leave you, then you MUST apologize for it. Sometimes, even if you don’t think you did anything wrong, you still need to apologize if only for the reason so they can drop their guard on you. Therefore, before you use the no contact rule, apologize to them for any grievance they might have said when they broke up with you. Then, after your apology, stop the contact. This will make their guard fall down during the no-contact period which will help in making them miss you. You might be thinking right now, “But saying sorry is a sign of weakness… right?” While that is true, there is something you need to understand. An apology is like an ice cream. Ice cream is great only when you have it on rare occasions. However, if you continue to have it every day, you’ll eventually grow tired of it and, in time, learn to hate it. If you keep on apologizing to your boyfriend or girlfriend, it might cause them to lose their attraction or respect towards you. On the other hand, if you only apologize rarely, then it still holds its true value …and is something that is actually attractive. It shows you to be a strong person. Rare apologies are not a sign of a person’s weakness but instead a sign of strength. A sign of weakness is apologizing to your partner too much or never apologizing at all. This is because it shows signs of insecurity. And we all know that insecurity is not an attractive characteristic. The advantage of apologizing when you did something wrong is that people in general tend to be more forgiving when you give them a genuine apology. As long as it’s a sincere apology, your exs guard and defenses against you will be dropped …providing fertile ground for them to grow to miss you during the 3-4 weeks you will be out of contact with them. 
  2. Hold On To Your Ex’s Stuff: The 3-week period is mainly about making him or her miss you. You’ll want to have no contact with your ex while at the same time making sure that you’re still in their periphery. The reason for this is it will help creat a situation where your ex will be deprived of having someone, who’s been a major part of their life, to chat with and “be there” for them. One way to ensure you achieve this is to leave your personal belongings at his or her place …and to hold on to their stuff that’s at your place. You want to leave these reminders around their home so that they’ll be constantly reminded of you through your belongings. Also, because your stuff is still in their possession, it sort of contradicts the fact that you’ve broken up …so a psychological bond between the two of you will still remain. If he or she offers to give your stuff back, make sure to come up with some excuse why you won’t be able to collect them right away. If they suggest that a friend picks them up for you, tell them that you currently have no room for the stuff but that you’ll make room soon so you can get them back. This will create an effect of still being psychologically tied together right after the breakup which is the exact time they’re bound to miss you the most (i.e. They’ll naturally be secretly dreading the fact that they’re back to being a single person again). In short, this will help make them think about you and even miss you more than they would otherwise have done. In my book "THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology" I reveal a set of strategies to keeping your ex thinking about you during the no-contact period. Doing this is an ESSENTIAL step in the process.
  3. Plan The Reconnection Meeting Correctly: Once the three weeks are up, it is now time to text your ex and ask them to meet you for a coffee and just see how they’re doing. Let them know that the reason for the meeting is light hearted and simple. Never make it look like you’re meeting them so you can persuade them to get you back (or anything confrontational like that). Without any contact for at least 3 weeks, they’ll be curious to know whats going on in your life. Now, it’s okay to go to the meet-up nervous, excited, and worried about what will happen. But make sure you show your ex that it’s just a casual meet up. Just talk about simple things like what you’re both up to with your lives. There will of course be an under-current of tension regarding the breakup that’s just happened …but just push this to one side and have a good light-hearted conversation. There are a few rules for this meeting: it should be short; you need to keep your excitement to yourself; you should take note of your appearance …and lastly - DON'T worry! By that last rule, I mean that you don’t need to expect that this “casual” meet-up will immediately result in a reconciliation. It could happen in that meeting but don’t worry if it doesn’t. If you guys do get back together that’s all well and good. However, even if they felt like they want to get back with you in that moment, they might feel unsure and awkward about bringing it up. You can follow up with another meeting after a few days. By then, you’ll have shown them confidence (confidence they weren’t expecting to see in you) and you will have gained their respect, setting the scene where it will be much easier for them to think they should give things another try with you. 

Final Thought

As long as you follow these important steps, you will considerably increase the chances of you getting back with your ex. I don’t want to say it will 100% guarantee you will get them back …but it will significantly boost your chances.

This plan will help make them miss you (because you didn’t contact them for 3 whole weeks) and admire you (again, for the same reason that you didn’t communicate with them for 3 weeks which indicates that you’re a strong person). And this is exactly what you will want to achieve from the start in winning back their heart.