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How To Win Him Back - By Examining His Past

To win him back, first you must find out what caused him to leave you. People can break up with their partners for any number of reasons. If he’s not willing to try and give things another go then it’s solely up to you to fix things and win him back. People can give reasons for breaking up that have nothing to do with what really caused the breakup. Often reasons are personal to the person and they want to keep it that way.

In my book "THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology" I talk about lovemaps. I want to talk about these a little here. People subconsciously develop a list of things that they would like their future partner to be like. We develop this list over the years from our:

  • Childhood experiences,

  • Past relationships,

  • TV and the media etc.

  • Anything that influences us

Understanding how this list works is key to being able to win him back. Everyone knows that most people would like a future partner to be good looking, friendly etc. This is a "basic" form of a lovemap. However there are much more items that people require of a future partner. Items on the list depend on peoples own individual preferences.

So how do I use his lovemap to win him back?

To win him back you must realise that you may have been dumped because you didn't fit one or more of the specifications on his lovemap. It may be possible that his lovemap has changed over the course of your relationship and you no longer fitted it. To win him back, you need to do some detective work on your part to see what has changed.

Maybe you said you didn't want children and he is looking for a woman who wants children. Once you know how you have violated his lovemap, then you need to correct things so that you match it again. This alone may win him back. However it would be a good idea to try as many routes as possible to ensure you are able to win him back.

How to win him back by increasing your attractiveness

Without the proper knowledge, trying to win him back can backfire. This is because the old ideas of playing games may give a false impression to your ex. If you play hard to get, you might give him the impression that you're not interested in him. However at the same time, if you show too much interest in him, it will lower your value in his eyes and could hinder your chances of being able to win him back.

Studies have shown that once a commodity is scarce, then the more important and valuable it is perceived to be. This is why gold is more valuable that steel, even though they are both metals and steel is a stronger. To win him back, you should:

  1. Always be available to your ex.

  2. But at the same time you need to let your ex see that other potential suitors are taking interest in you.

However, don’t go down the route of trying to make them jealous. This can end up making you look insincere and manipulative. Let them know in a not so obvious way that others desire you. If other men find you attractive then your ex is likely to find you attractive too. It’s called the law of the crowd. If others like you, it acts like a vote in your favour.

Whether they like you because of your looks or personality isn't important. Attractiveness is not only a physical characteristic. It depends on a number of items, which need to be taken into consideration in trying to win him back.

Need more help?

Yes, how do I use psycho analysis to get my man back?

How do I use the "Golden Window" to get back together with my ex?

Can I really make my ex-boyfriend fall in love with me?

What must I reassess after a breakup for quick recovery?

Can I get my ex-boyfriend back using "sexual attraction?"