3 Little-Known Tricks To Using The No Contact Rule To Get Him Back
When using the no-contact rule to get your ex boyfriend back, you need to understand the philosophy that surrounds this rule. It’s about cutting off all, and I mean all, communication with your ex-partner.
This period of no contact can last anywhere between up to 3 or 4 weeks after the initial breakup. If you’re wondering what it means to cut off all communication with your ex-partner, here’s the low down:
- Stop sending text messages
- Don’t make any calls to them whatsoever
- Don’t visit them
- Don’t go in the vicinity of their house
- Don’t go to places where you could happen to meet them by accident
- Don’t think about contacting them via IM on Facebook
- Don’t try to get a hold of him through your mutual friends
- Don’t update your status on Facebook referring to them...you know what I’m talking about!
Right now, your ex boyfriend is probably expecting you to miss him a lot. He probably thinks you’re sitting at home crying and reminiscing over photos. He expects you to be missing him deeply. But, by implementing and using the no contact rule to get him back, you’ll be able to take control over the situation …and make him confused and wonder what’s going on. He’ll start to think something’s wrong and ask himself:
- Where are you?
- What are you doing?
- Why aren’t you hurting?
- Have you started dating someone else?
- Was I right to break up with you just like that?
All of these things are going to work in your favour. When you use the no contact rule to get him back, he will begin to doubt whether he made the right decision (in breaking up with you), and essentially he’ll begin to doubt his actions, which of course is what you’re aiming for.
3 Rules When Using The No Contact Rule After Breakup To Get Him Back
In my book "" i include a section on the exact steps to take when implimenting no contact on a guy ...as well as the most common mistakes people make which you should avoid. It’s absolutely essential that you don’t take short cuts when you’re implementing the no contact rule to get your ex back. You need to execute this carefully if you want it to work and not backfire in your face.
- Say “sorry” before using the No Contact Rule: It’s called common courtesy. It’s never a good idea just to cut off all communication abruptly. If we’re going to be realistic and you really want your ex back, you’re going to have to apologise in some way. If you did something wrong, apologise. If you said something you shouldn’t have said, apologise. If you failed to do something you promised, apologise...even if it’s the tiniest thing and you don’t think you should apologise for it, just do it. It will make you the bigger person, and it will give your ex less ammunition to maintain to negative feelings towards you. - At present their defences are quite high, especially since they were or are expecting you to launch ‘operation get him back.’ So, before you go ahead with implementing the no contact rule, send them a quick text message apologising for whatever you might have done. Keep it short and simple. If they reply, don’t answer back, just leave it at that – this is where the no contact rule all begins. - Your ex will recognise that you believe you messed up and as a result they’ll lower their defence mode, which will remain like this throughout the period of no contact. Whatever you do, don’t say sorry time and time again – say it once and that’s it. Apologising too much is a definite sign of uncertainty and weakness. However, one apology can hold a lot of power and only a person who is strong can do this, so prove to your ex that you’re this person.
- Don’t pick up your stuff from your ex’s: When you decide to break off communication with your ex after that final “I’m sorry” text, make sure you don’t go round to their home with a box to pick up your belongings. Although you might want to get your favourite top back, don’t. Every time your ex sees one of your belongings, they’ll continue to remember you, and miss you. When they see your stuff, there will still be that all-important psychological connection. - The same goes for their belongings – don’t contact them to pick them up. This will help maintain a connection. If your ex happens to contact you regarding your stuff, come up with a couple of excuses, saying you can’t pick them up at the moment, but you will do so when you can. And if they fire back with “Get your friend X to come and pick them up,” tell them you don’t have enough room at the moment and you’re going to need some time to make some space …and leave it at that. - Play it cool and allow your stuff to stay at theirs for the time being as this is going to help re-establish your communication and contact in 3-4 weeks time.
- How to plan the meeting 3 weeks on: When the no-contact period is up, send your ex a short casual text message trying to arrange a quick meet up for a coffee somewhere mutual. Don’t elaborate about the meeting, keep it simple. You don’t want your ex to realise that this is all part of your grand plan to get them back. - Because it’s been 3-4 weeks since you last saw your ex, they’re going to be a little bit curious to see how you’re doing. They’ll wonder whether you miss them or not, especially since you haven’t spoken for so long, but don’t worry, this is a good thing. - But this is where caution needs to be taken. It’s very easy to mess everything up at this point. It’s because your emotions will be running high – you’ll feel stressed, excited, anxious, enthusiastic...you’ll be desperate for a positive outcome. This is totally understandable and natural, but it’s essential you remain cool and hide these feelings as best as you can. The impression you want to give your ex is that this is just a casual meeting, perhaps to tie up loose ends; you don’t want them to see you as needy. This will help you remain in control, even though deep down they’ll be looking for some sign that you miss them. After all, this will be a huge blow to their ego, dumping a person and then seeing them a few weeks later to find out they’re fine and coping without them. It would make them question everything – did they really do the right thing when they decided to break it off?
The main rule about the meeting is to remember not to refer to the break up at all. You may notice that your emotions will be running high, but you’ve got to stick to your plan, that is if you want them back. Instead of chatting about your breakup, tell them what you’ve been up to, talk about life in general, and ask them about theirs. The main secret here is that you’ve got to keep this meeting brief – a coffee and nothing else! Control your emotions and focus on coming across that you’re the stronger person they thought you were.
The reality is that no contact works to get him back. From my own personal experience, I can assure you that by simply following these no contact rules, you’ll improve your chances of getting back with your ex-boyfriend considerably. When you decide to use the no-contact rule, you’re ultimately forcing him to miss you, even if they weren’t expecting to miss you. You’ll also prevent the deadly mistake of coming across as needy and desperate, which is a huge turnoff to most people, but instead you’ll gain their respect and you’ll appear more favourable in their eyes.
This is great...this is how it’s supposed to go!
By doing this, you’ll show your ex. You’ll show them that you’re in fact a strong person, and believe me, this is what they really want to see in you. They have no desire to see the old version of you (remember, they broke up with the old version of you for a reason)...so show them the new version of you.