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What did she mean by "she needed time to herself"?

When someone asks me how he can get his girlfriend back after a breakup, I always ask them what reason did they give for the breakup. What I hear back is usually something along the lines of:

  • "She needed time to herself"

  • "She said we grew apart"

  • "She said she wasn't ready for a commitment"

In hearing such things it’s obvious that the guys don't have a clue why she REALLY left them.

Logic dictates that the best way to solve a problem is knowing what caused it. What caused a problem is directly related to how to go about fixing it. With this in mind, these guys will try to get their girlfriend back without knowing why she really left. And the result is failure.

So what do I need to know to get my girlfriend back?

In my book "THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology" I go through step-by-step what you need to do to get an ex girlfriend back. Crucially I show how to examine your exs psychological makeup in order to reveal why she really left you. You need to examine her lovemap. I won't go into it in detail here but her lovemap is basically a blueprint or list of the things she hopes to have in a future partner.

If you went out with your girlfriend, it means you satisfied this list. At least initially you did. However, now something has changed. You no longer fit this list and its up to you to find out what you did or said to cause this. In essence what’s happened is she has lost "hope" in you as being her potential life partner. And hope is the key.

Hope can get my ex girlfriend back?

Hope correlates to dreams. Dreams are fundamentally important to us, as they are what we look forward to and aspire to. Your girlfriend stopped looking forward to a future with you and consequently you found yourself single. You've got little to no control on what her dreams should be so trying to change them is the wrong approach.

The correct approach is to find out what her dreams are and, knowing this, show her that you fit them. You fitted them at one stage (because you went out together) but then something changed. Examining the differences between the start of your relationship and the end is a good way to get a clearer idea of her dreams. This is because you can see what you did in the intervening time to not fit into them anymore.

Find the guy you once were and/or the guy you know she's looking for and give it to her. This is just one aspect to getting your ex girlfriend back, but its a key area.

Need more help?

Yes, how can I win my ex back by examining the logic of love?

How do I get an ex back using the "empty chair technique?"

How come the reasons that she gave me for the breakup just don't make sense?

Why is relationship closure so important?

How do I make dealing with rejection easy?