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How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back (3 LITTLE-KNOWN Tips To Using The No-Contact Rule)

By John Alex Clark (Relationship & Life Coach)

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How to get your ex girlfriend back?

The no-contact rule in getting your ex back is a relatively straight forward concept, yet many people still make a MESS of it. Big time. This is what I want to avoid happening to you. 

Now, if you’re not familiar with the no-contact rule, the method revolves around the philosophy of cutting communication with your ex in a bid to let him or her miss you. It usually lasts for about 3 or 4 weeks after the breakup.

Here’s what it means to cut communication with your ex:

  • Stop text messages
  • Do not make phone calls to him or her
  • Don’t go to his or her house
  • Be careful not to even accidently meet him or her
  • Don’t send him or her Facebook or IM messages
  • Don’t contact him or her via your common friends
  • Be careful not to update any status on Facebook (or other social networking sites) meant for them directly or indirectly

Remember, when you break up with your partner, he or she expects you to miss him or her badly. By using the no-contact rule though, you put them on the back foot. In other words, you use their own strategy against them ...and create confusion in their mind as to why are you not contacting them. This move will induce curiosity in them, and lead them to think things like:

  • What are you up to?
  • Was their decision of breaking up with you right?
  • Are you not suffering if you are not contacting them?
  • Are you seeing someone else?

These factors all work to your advantage. They have the effect of causing your ex to doubt his or her decision to break up with you. And this is EXACTLY what you want.

In my book "THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology", I show you to program your exs subconscious mind during this period in order to induce feelings of love in them for you. This exponentially increases your chances of getting them back after the 3 weeks are up. 

3 Important Rules When Implementing The No-Contact Rule

The no-contact rule has to be implemented carefully. Read the following before establishing a no-contact rule situation on your ex: 

  1. Apologize Before Cutting Contact: It is never wise to use the no-contact rule abruptly. Realistically speaking, if you want to get your ex back, you have to issue an apology in some form. If your ex wasn’t happy about anything you may have done, apologizing to him or her is a very good idea right now because it will LOWER THEIR DEFENCES against you. And trust me, right now their defences are high (as they will be expecting you to launch a “get your ex back” strategy on them). So, before you embark on the no-contact rule, send him or her a final text message to apologize for anything bad you may have done. Keep the message short. Then stop contact. Now what happens is something like this: Your ex will see that you “get” that you’ve messed up, that you understand that the way you treated them was wrong and consequently you’re likely to fix the old you. As a result of this apology, their defensive posture will be lowered. And it will stay lowered all through the no-contact period.  This creates a conducive environment to let your ex MISS you. Now, apologizing excessively is a sign of weakness (so I’m not suggesting you do this), but sending one short apology text before using the no-contact rule is a very powerful thing to do. Only a strong person would do this. So be a strong person and do it. 
  2. Don’t Take Away Your Belongings From Your Ex’s Place: When you cut communication with your ex after sending the final apology text message, make sure NOT to take away your personal stuff from his or her place. This strategy will ensure that your ex subconsciously keeps missing you by having your stuff around. When your ex sees your stuff continuously, it reminds them of you in addition to ensuring that a psychological connection remains between both of you during the cut off period.  Also, you should keep your ex’s belongings at your place and never tell him or her to collect them. This also keeps a connection between the two of you. In case your ex wants you to take away your belongings, come up with some excuse like you are unable to collect them now, but will do so later. If your ex suggests that you send a friend to collect your stuff, tell him or her that you currently have no space for the stuff, but will make room for them soon. This whole plan generates the effect of maintaining a subtle psychological bond between you and your ex during the no-contact period. It also prevents the situation of cutting things completely between you both …which is exactly the feeling that would be achieved if you took back your stuff. Be smart, and leave your stuff at their place. This helps prepare things when you re-establish contact after three weeks. In my book "THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology" I go through a number of tricks like this that will have your ex constantly thinking about you during the no-contact period. Doing this is an ESSENTIAL part of making them miss you more and more. 
  3. Planning The Meeting After 3 Weeks: When the three weeks no-contact period expires, send your ex a casual text to meet over a cup of coffee. Keep the reason for the meeting simple and casual. Never let your ex know that you are trying to cajole him or her back to you. That just won’t make for a good atmosphere …and hence for your chances of getting them back. Now, since its been three weeks without contact, your ex will be curious to know whats going on in your life. They’ll be wondering after all if you still even miss them since you have not spoken to them in so long. From your point of view, this is a GOOD THING. But its very easy to mess things up from here. You see, you’ll probably go to this meeting with enthusiasm, anxiety and worries about the meeting’s outcome. This is natural, but you need to conceal these signs as much as you can and just focus on giving your ex the impression that it is just a casual meeting and you didn’t ask for the meeting because you are needy. This maintains power on your side of the court as your ex will not be given the validation that you miss them. And TRUST ME – secretly they will be looking for this validation. After all, it would be a blow to anyones confidence to dump someone …and then see that that person is ok with being dumped by them. It would make them question if they were right to dump such a strong minded individual that can be this strong after the breakup. Basically, the rule of the meeting is: no talking about the break up. You may sense your emotions going out of control, but you have to stick to the plan if you want to get him or her back. Instead of talking about the breakup, just talk about what both of you are up to in your lives. Here are the keys: keep the meeting short, control your excitement, concentrate on your appearance ...and stop worrying. Even if this meeting doesn’t result in your ex saying they want to get back together, it will help plant the idea in their head that you are a stronger individual than they had thought. This will help plant the idea in their head that they should give things a second try with someone that’s behaving in as cool and level-headed a manner as you.

Final Thought

From experience, I can tell you that following these rules will increase your chance of getting your ex back considerably. By using the no-contact rules, you are forcing your ex to miss you and by not being needy in the meeting, you will get respect and admiration. 

That’s ALL good.

You are showing your ex that you are a strong person, and this is what they actually want to see in you. They don’t want to see the old you …the one they felt they had to dump and get away from.