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Is Getting Back Together Always A Good Idea?

In getting back together, you will naturally be wondering if the relationship will be anything like the way it used be or has it now been damaged. In truth, a break up doesn't necessarily damage a relationship but can actually strengthen it. This is provided that the root cause of the initial break up is understood and dealt with.

Lets take the scenario that a girl stopped loving her boyfriend and then dumped him. After a few weeks of not having a boyfriend around, she began to miss him and so asked him to get back with her and give things another try.

In this example, the getting back together was as a result of her missing him. It wasn't as a result of her examining why she fell out of love with him. Neither was it as a result of the guy figuring out what caused her to stop loving him and working on this.

So what resulted in them getting back together?

Basically, the guy lucked out. He got his girlfriend back, not by addressing the root cause of the break up but because she got vulnerable and missed having someone around. If the root cause of the break up had been addressed and dealt with, it would have made for a much stronger getting back together.

However, inthe above example, all that’s happened is that the cracks have been covered over and not repaired. Hence, the long-term viability of the relationship would be in doubt. The girl could have fallen out of love with her boyfriend for any number of reasons:

  • Maybe he didn't spend enough time with her during the relationship.

  • Maybe he played too much sport or he worked long hours.

  • Maybe she fell out of love because one of her interests was a big part of her life and he didn't care about it.

But he never knew this.

Getting back together by tackling the real problem

If the guy knew the real problem, after being dumped he could have worked on this thing(s) and showed her that he was a good match for her. This would have been a much stronger basis for getting back together as the root cause of her worries about the relationship would have been addressed.

The fact that he had been dumped and loved her would have made him determined to fix the issues at hand and make things work. A break up can often provide this strong motivation in the dumped person to fix things. But if he never knew the reasons behind the break up, he couldn't work on them and would only be relying on blind luck to get her back.

In getting back together you will want to make sure the renewed relationship has become stronger after the break up and not weakened. If you work on the real issues that caused your break up - you will achieve this.

Was that helpful?

Yes, did I really love him or did I just like being with him?

Can you teach me a damage limitation plan for getting my ex back?

How do you go about matching a person's lovemap specifications?

How do I get over a broken heart quickly through an understanding of the psychology of breakups?

Does anyone even love me now that I've been dumped?