Skip to main content

You are in the: How To Get Your Ex Back article section            

How To Get An Ex Back - Using "The Empty Chair Technique"

The Empty Chair Technique was developed from a form of psychoanalysis called “Gestalt therapy”. The technique basically makes use of what is literally an empty chair as a representation of the persona of the patient well as other people that the patient may have formed some strong relationships with.

In this article I am going to have you participate in a little self-exploration so that you can discover (and fix) aspects of your personality that may have led to the breakup itself. Yes, I know you might want to say that it was all their fault, but often times the person that was dumped did have a role to play in their own demise which is why I want you to do this exercise.

What do I need to do?

For this exercise, I want you to place an empty chair in front of you and imagine your ex sitting in it.

I want you to talk to your ex about anything – anything at all that you want to talk about. Try to find a subject matter that you can talk about at length because this activity is about exploring yourself and not your ex.


...I want you to act in the exact opposite way to how you would normally act. I want you to become an antithesis of yourself - the exact opposite of how you view yourself.

It might seem a bit unnatural at first, but just keep going and after a while the conversation should begin to flow quite naturally. Remember not to go overboard when imagining your antithesis as a person. Try to keep your actions realistic at all times.

Why do I need to do this?

The goal of this activity is to allow you to get in touch with the hidden aspects of your own personality. The reality is that we sometimes bury parts of our personality from our consciousness. The thing is though that while these parts may be hidden from ourselves, they may be very obvious (and annoying or problematic) to the people around us.

So if you are someone that say puts on a macho image and tries to make people think that you are manlier than you really are, you might try to let the less manly aspect of yourself come out in this conversation. This will allow you to see aspects of your own personality which you normally keep buried.

In bringing these aspects of yourself out in the open you will be better able to understand yourself and why you think the way you do. If you like to see yourself as a macho man like in the above example, maybe you have control issues and tried to dominate your ex too much without even realizing it.

When you better understand yourself, you will be better able to understand what may have caused the breakup and in this way be better able to work towards a solution that would get your ex back. If there are some aspects of your personality that need attention then the first step to fixing them is to find out exactly what they are. This will allow you to examine them and be able to focus on the areas of your life that need improvement and in this way give you a road map to re-attracting your ex.

Need more help?

Yes, how do I get my ex back with reverse psychology?

Can I get my ex back even if I'm not rich?

How do I get back with my ex by uncovering her needs?

Is jealousy a good tactic for getting my ex back?

How can I avoid ending up in a bad relationship?