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How To Win Your Ex Back - By Re-Examining Your Communication Style

To win your ex back, communication plays a key role. Communication can cause relationships to break down but it’s important to understand its not only an absence of communication that’s detrimental but also your style of communication.

A negative communication style can kill attraction in your partner for you and cause them to leave. They may have been willing to let it go at the start of the relationship but over time they began to become more and more repelled by the way you spoke to them and treated them.

The problem of a negative communication style is that it stems from a mindset of insecurity. You have to compensate for your own insecurity by coming down on and aggravating your partner. Needless to say this is not an attractive characteristic to have in a boyfriend or girlfriend and is contrary to being able to win your ex back.

Negative communication won't win your ex back

Lets take a look at the main examples of negative communication and how it may have caused your ex to leave you. If you recognise some of these characteristics in the way you were to your partner, then to win your ex back you will need to fix them:

  • Complaining: If you're general method of communication to your ex (and people in general) is complaining about things, then you will need to address this to win your ex back. No one likes a moan, particularly if they do it all the time.

  • Giving out: Giving out to your partner, criticizing them and finding problems in everything they do. Blaming them when things go wrong and generally giving them a difficult time.

  • Dismissing their core beliefs: Treating their thoughts and emotions as being unimportant and trivial.

  • Begging or pleading with them to do things: You've probably reinforced this communication mistake since the break up if you have been trying to win your ex back by phoning them constantly in an attempt to coax them back.

  • Sarcasm: Excessive sarcasm or sarcasm in a non-humoristic way.

  • Needing to win: Having the mindset that you have got to win every argument or conversation you have with them.

Why these can’t win your ex back

If you want to win your ex back, you will have to change any negative communication styles that apply to you. You may think that these had nothing to do with the break up. The fact is, that if you used them, they were almost certainly a turn off to your ex and a cause for them to become un-attracted to you.

The issue with communication like the above is that even though they can seem to work, you always lose. If you shouted and gave out to your ex about them going out last week with their friends and not bringing you, you may be able to prevent them from doing that again in future, but they will have lost considerable attraction for you.

A healthier approach would have been to simply discuss it with them and ask them if you can come along next time. If you can display maturity in the way you communicate with your partner, they will naturally respect you for it. Likewise if you insist on winning every argument, you may succeed in that. However you might find yourself dumped a few months down the line from an accumulation of such childish behaviour.

So what to do to win your ex back

If you displayed any or all of the above, you should acknowledge this to your ex. Point out that you recognise your mistakes and that they won't be a feature of your renewed relationship. (See also my article on: Is apologizing a sign of strength or a sign of weakness when trying to get an ex back?)

If you do this, it will increase the respect they have for you. Further, it may also lift any bar they may have that’s blocking them from wanting to get back together with you.

In my book "THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology", I go through a comprehensive list of the things that can cause a partner to leave and how to remedy them to win your ex back. Used properly, you will be able to use this book to induce feelings of love in your ex again for you and succeed in being able to win your ex back.

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