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I know one of my exs lovemap components, what do I do with it?

Are you saying "I want my ex back!" ...but feel like its a lost cause? Trust me - it's not (at least not with the right information in your hands). Here's what i'm talking about...

Lovemap components are a key factor to getting an ex back after a breakup ...because they are the key to making your ex fall in love with you (NOTE: If you don't already know about the psychology of lovemaps, check out this article: "What is a "lovemap"?")

Ok, let’s say that you find out from your research into your ex's lovemap that something from her past has caused her a deep rooted interest in, say, health and well-being. It could be that you’ve found out from your research that:

  • An ex she once loved was really into health and fitness and as a result, she still feels positive emotions about that topic because it reminds her of a time when she was happy.

  • Maybe one of her parents or a close friend (or relative etc) was a smoker or an alcoholic and died young …and this instilled a need in her to try and bring people that are health conscious into her life so that she won’t experience that same pain of losing someone like that again.

  • Maybe her dad is into health and well-being and she gets on well with her dad and looks up to him.

  • Maybe her dad, uncle or some other relative isn’t into health and fitness, has a bear belly, and she doesn’t get on well with him or hardly ever sees him. This would cause her to become disgusted by someone that doesn’t take care of themselves.

  • Or maybe she just happens to be into health and well-being and she feels positive emotions whenever shes discussing that topic.

In such a situation, if it’s well known that she’s into health and fitness (i.e. she’s told you personally, or everyone just happens to know it), and you come straight out and say you are into health and fitness also, she’ll naturally wonder if you’re just saying that to try and get with her. The result of this is that you could just end up looking manipulative in her eyes …and her barriers would go up to you.

I want my ex back now! What should I do?

A far better strategy is to display to her indirectly that you match this aspect of her lovemap. To do this, for example, you could start talking about your days in college. Then somewhere in the conversation where you are recounting your college days you could slip in somewhere that you once took part in the college marathon.

Get back with my exHere you wouldn’t be directly coming out and saying that you are into health and fitness (because you once took part in a marathon) - instead you lead into it by talking about your college days and then just happened to add it in because it was related to the topic you were talking about …rather than you making the marathon story a topic in itself.

This allows you to come across as being genuine in what you have said as opposed to someone that’s just bragging or manipulative.

Alternatively, you could mention that you were either a member of the rowing club or running club etc. in college or even that you used hang around with the guys that ran those clubs in the college. Here you are satisfying elements of the girl's unmet need (i.e. the need to be with someone that’s health conscious) simply by associating yourself with people who practice fitness sports.