How To Make Yourself More Approachable To People
For a lot of people, not being approached very often by others can lead them to believe they must be unattractive. And when they try to approach others ...they might still find that people’s reactions are not what they were hoping for.
This can lead to negative feelings and low self-esteem.
And this only ADDS to the problem!
This article is not only on how to become more approachable ...but also how to handle yourself when approaching others in order to receive the most positive response possible.
After reading this article you will see that the real reasons for being rejected and unapproachable have little to do with your personality ...and much more to do with your approach.
4 Key Points To Bear In Mind...
To become more approachable and receive a better response when you approach people it is important to understand the following ideas:
- How approachable are you: When approaching others or having people approach you ...are you able to put yourself in their shoes? Do you smile and use warm and inviting body language to put them at ease? Or do you tense up and forget to smile? Many people worry about looking desperate or needy and try to project confidence by acting ‘cool’ and uninterested. Rather than improving their impression ...the result is awkward and uncomfortable. Consider how you would like someone to react in the opposite situation ...and then mirror that behavior.
- Being approachable means being confident: Confident people smile and use warm body language that puts others at ease. When people project real confidence like this ...they are approachable. The result is that people feel comfortable and are happy to interact with them, reinforcing that confidence. When people only "try" to appear confident (by acting disaffected and distant for example) they make themselves unapproachable. The result is that they are not approached.
- Most people feel the same way you do: Most people share the same fear of rejection that you do and are looking to feel accepted. They are usually happy to be approached. There will inevitably be exceptions ...but the vast majority of people will be happy to be around someone who makes them feel wanted and at ease. Most problems (when they do arise) simply stem from a misperception or a miscommunication between you and them.
- Perception versus reality: Oftentimes people with low self-esteem have trouble distinguishing reality from their distorted perception. It could be as simple as refusing to talk to someone well dressed because they feel that person is too rich and consequently "too good" for them. The reality being that the well-dressed person wore their best outfit to be accepted and in hopes of being more approachable, not less. Their low self-esteem also leads them to worry about appearing needy and desperate so they struggle against that feeling by acting aloof and superior. The result, just like in the other examples is that they don’t approach others and become unapproachable. Their distorted perceptions cause a self-fulfilling prophecy that becomes reality. Make sure you can tell the difference between perception and reality.
Did you notice something about these 4 points?
Did you notice an underlying tone or common link in the above 4 points? The common link in the examples above is that developing self-confidence will ultimately lead to better perceptions of reality and create the conditions that will make you more approachable.
And what we're talking about here is REAL self-confidence.
When people project REAL self-confidence they appear comfortable and put others around them at ease. They then obtain the results, namely being approached, that lead to further increases in confidence. It becomes a self-reinforcing circle.
On the other hand, when people see themselves in a negative light ...they can tend to behave in ways that make others uncomfortable and conseqently make themselves more unapproachable. The end result is that they produce the exact circumstances that lead to a loss of confidence.