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5 Stages Of Getting Over A Breakup (Kubler Ross Model)

What are the steps of getting over a breakup?
How can I achieve recovery from my grief?
I don't want to be like this years from now!

One of the experiences in life that leaves a mark that is not easily erased or forgotten is being dumped. It’s a cruel phase that almost all people go through.

“Time heals all wounds,” they say. This is true, but what exactly does this mean? There are 5 stages you have to go through before you can really say that it’s all over and you can move on. These are known in psychology circles as the Kübler-Ross model, and are a well known concept.

These stages are crucial to get over someone but if you don’t get past one of these stages properly, you can find yourself stuck and thinking about your ex for months and possibly years to come.

5 Stages After A Breakup 

I want to show you each of these stages so you can recognize each of them and know what you have to do to get through each of them and consequently successfully move on:

  1. Denial stage: The moment the other person tells you that your relationship is heading no where you could probably imagine a bomb being dropped between your ears. You will not be able to process this information right away, which sends you into a state of shock. This disbelief can last for half a minute with others while some people will refuse to accept the end of the relationship and will stay in disbelief for the days/weeks. The goal is to achieve healing from heartaches. You will have to accept that it was simply not meant to be. Only then can you begin the healing process.
  2. Anger: This is a normal feeling for someone who has been dumped. You will be angry for many reasons. Just make sure your anger does not result in aggression. Be mature and wise enough to deal with it. If you feel that talking to your ex will somehow help you release the negative emotions, do it but make sure you don’t act like a mother scolding her child for a mistake or something.
  3. Guilt: At this stage you may begin to blame yourself for the break-up. You will begin to think of what you have or have not done that contributed to the demise of the relationship. Don’t stay too long on this stage. People who stopped the healing process at this point have driven themselves mad thinking – “what if?”. Unless you cheated on your partner, you cannot put the entire blame upon yourself for the ruined relationship. It could be that you and your partner are just incompatible but you were not seeing it. Unfortunately your partner did see it and decided to call it quits.
  4. Depression: Heartache will bring you certain moments when you just feel like crying. You will also experience severe mood swings during the stage of grief. You have the choice on how long you are going to linger at this stage. You cannot forever cry for a relationship that did not work. You will need to get back to dating again. This stage will result in you becoming a wiser and stronger person.
  5. Acceptance: You cannot set a date and say, “On this day and hour, all will be well.” But if you are really dedicated to overcoming being dumped, this day of acceptance will come. When you reach this stage, you can look back and be grateful that you have come out of it. Not all you desire will be yours; that’s the truth of life. Just be thankful that you have accepted the situation wholeheartedly and can look forward to finding a new relationship.

How long do these last? It depends on the individual. However, in my book "THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology", I show a psychological system that will allow you to power through the stages after breaking up and accelerate the process of recovery far quicker than you ever though possible. You can a small selection of the techniques covered in the book on this website.

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