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Why do we fall in love?

If you've read through some of the articles on this site, you'll know me as the author of the two best-selling books:

THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology


THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology

Basically, those two books go into detail about the process of falling in love depending on whether you're looking to understand the process of falling in love so as to make someone fall in love with you ...or you want to know the process of why you fell in love with someone you no longer can have that you can dismantle that process and get over them.

So what causes a person to fall in love?

There are many different reasons, all of which I go through in the books. But basically some of these reasons include:

  1. Falling for a person because they looked like someone else that you loved before: If you meet a person that looks like an ex that you loved before, there will be a high tendency in you to develop feelings for this new person simply based on their looks. Even someone that resembled your mother or father could cause you to love him or her. Assuming you had a good relationship that is with your mother or father respectively.

    With this said, if you met someone you liked but they thought you looked like someone from their past that had hurt them, then their subconscious will effectively bar them from ever loving you. Here, the subconscious is trying to protect itself from getting hurt again. Understanding how the mind works this way will help in dealing with a break up.

  2. Falling in love with a person out of necessity: What? How could it be necessary to love a person? Well, you see the subconscious controls whether you will fall for someone or not. If you have an unmet need, such as can't make friends easily, your subconscious will try and make you love a person that has loads of friends and so make up for your shortcomings. If a guy had low self confidence, he might find himself being attractive to confident girls so to compensate for his shyness. In dealing with a break up, you should examine if you have any unmet needs that would be better dealt with by tackling them rather then getting into a relationship to wallpaper over them.

  3. Falling in love with a person because they share the same fundamental beliefs as you: Sometimes a person can mistake having the same core beliefs and view of the world as meaning they must be "the one". This can come about because we may not have openly available to us people who think or share the same worldviews as us. But then this person comes along and your subconscious wants you to think of her as "the one" and try and make you get together with them.

Taking just the last two points alone; these show that basically people look for people that have the same positive qualities as them, but who don't share the same negative ones as them. I go into this concept in more detail in my books.

Was that helpful?

Yes, what do I need to ask myself if I'm trying to get over a break up?

What do I need to reassess after a breakup for quick recovery?

How can I get over an ex by analysing my pain?

What is the wrong way to read someone's lovemap specifications?

Can I really make my ex boyfriend fall in love with me?