Getting dumped has really knocked my confidence on my looks – can you help me?
Having difficulty getting over getting dumped?
ESPCIALLY as getting dumped can often make a person feel they weren't "attractive enough" for their ex?
If so, here's something you NEED to understand about getting dumped...
Basically when a person gets dumped they assume that they were dumped because of something intrinsically wrong with them. They completely ignore the fact that the other person may have dumped them for reasons completely unrelated to them. One of the most common assumptions people make when they’re dumped is that they were dumped because of their looks.
The reality is that we are all psychologically composed to view looks differently. Everyone has their own idea of beauty and what appeals to them. For example;
One guy might consider you pretty and chase after you wanting to go out with you. Another might think that you're just ordinary looking.
One guy might dump a girl because he realized her looks kept reminding him of a particular teacher that picked on him. And this was starting to bother him.
Your friend might be madly in love with his girlfriend and say she’s good-looking, when she just looks average to you.
Your friend might see a guy on the street that reminds her of her father and thinks he’s good-looking. You might find him below average.
What does this mean?
The reality is that everyone's thought processes on beauty are based on their own lovemap. So if you look like someone they once loved or a close family relative or friend they get on well with, they'd probably find you good-looking, even if other people wouldn't fancy you and the reverse is also the case.
Therefore even if a person rejects you because they didn't like your looks, it doesn't mean that there’s something wrong with your looks. It could be because of their background, the people they grew up with and their thought processes on beauty in people etc shaped a view they hold on looks that is different from the way you physically happen to look.
An example of this would be a girl that might reject you simply because she was looking for a dark skinned guy so as to make herself feel better for a past failure with a particular dark skinned guy that she failed to get or who had broken up with her. Yes, superficial situations like this can occur! It’s also often seen in guys who might have been dumped by a girl of a certain hair color and will then only want to get with girls of that same color!
But That’s Not All…
It could also be that you just reminded them of someone that they didn’t like such as:
A school janitor that they didn’t get on with,
A boss that made fun of them in front of their work colleagues,
Or a soccer coach that never made them feel appreciated etc
And because your looks reminded them (either at a conscious level or a subconscious level) about this person, they recalled these same bad emotions when they were around you.
What I’m basically trying to get at is don’t judge yourself based on what this one single person has done. Just because they have broken up with you, doesn’t mean that every person you go out with will breakup with you also. And if you think this person dumped you because they didn’t think you were good looking, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t good looking.
Never form an opinion based on just one person and never assume that they must have broke up with you for reasons related to you. It could be for any multitude of reasons that you are not aware of that have nothing to do with you. If you do incorrectly make this assumption, you are not only wrong, but you are unnecessarily damaging your own self-confidence in the process.
Need more help getting through getting dumped?