Skip to main content

You are in the: How To Get Over Someone article section               

How A Bad Breakup Can Influence The Kind Of Partner You Next Look For

Have you just been broken up with?
And looking for a new partner?

The need for compensation is a strong driving force in peoples lives. The field of psychology is to a large degree built around this principal. So it should come as no shock to learn that compensation plays a significant role in the aftermath of one of the most psychologically painful things a person has to go through in life – a breakup.

What role exactly?

Well, after a breakup, compensation can directly influence the type of person we next choose to get into a relationship with. And this is not always a good thing. Anything that is based on compensation (which is a negative entity) … comes with pitfalls.

Tell me more…

Let’s take the following scenario…

A guy who, say for instance, in his past was rejected by a slim girl who he really liked, will have a tendency to want to ONLY get with slim girls in his future.


Well the reason has to do with compensation. You see, getting with any other type of girl would only reinforce in his mind that he can't get with a slim girl ...and so he will want to get with one to "prove" that he can attract that type of girl.

Now, this doesn’t happen with all guys, but it is a reality that gets embedded in a persons mind after a breakup. The degree to which it manifests in the persons outwardly actions afterwards when they go looking for their next partner will depend on the person.

How The Subconscious Mind Interprets A Breakup

In the above example, the tendency is for this guys subconscious mind to believe that because the slim girl from his past rejected him, that maybe there was something wrong with him.

This would in turn have damaged his self-confidence.

So his subconscious would reason that the only way to restore this damaged self-confidence would be to become popular with slim girls and to only have them as potential girlfriends in his life. So when looking for a partner ...these are the types of girls he would be subconsciously inclined to favor. This is the way his subconscious reckoned it could restore his self-image.

What does this mean?

It shows that we can confuse trying to compensate for past failures with love. If you’ve just been dumped, you need to understand how this can affect your psychology going forward.

You need to make sure you don’t fall into the trap of narrowing the field of potential partners you now look for. Not only would doing this make getting a new boyfriend or girlfriend more difficult …but if you choose a future partner solely because of compensation, then it sets you up for trouble…

BIG time.

It can set up the unhealthy situation of looking for someone who is not your true match …but instead only someone who can compensate for some meaningless thing like the above guy was trying to compensate for. And when you’re not looking for a true good match for you and your personality type …problems occur.

I can’t stress the importance of this enough. This is how many unhealthy relationships are formed …and many divorces.

So how can this be fixed?

A healthier situation would be for the person to find a way to deal with any issues from their past in an appropriate fashion rather than wall-papering over the cracks by "falling in love" with someone just to compensate for them.

Then he can fall for types of people that are more suitable to him rather than specifically sticking to only slim girls who might not meet his Lovemaps specifications properly.

To find out more about this, check out my books “THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology”.