How To Get Over Someone You Love (And ERASE Them From Your Mind!)
By John Alex Clark (Relationship Coach & NLP Practitioner)
Want to know how to get over a guy or girl?
Want to know how to get over an ex?
Want to know how to forget someone you love?
Break-ups can be a crippling experience and going through one is no joke. If you’ve ever gone through a break-up with someone you really cared about, then you know it can take YEARS before you move on from the love you lost.
I know – I’ve been there!
And odds are you’re still probably shaken up whenever your ex’s name comes up in a conversation even to this day (NOTE: Check out my program "" for a psychology trick to remove your exs name from your mind ...forever).
However, this no longer happens to me. Not since I began studying the psychology of love and discovered a way to get over an ex permanently …and let go of those recurring thoughts.
Read on because I’m about to share this with you here in this article…
Let’s First Make A Comparison To Getting Over Someone
Seeing your relationship come to an end is a lot like giving up a privilege or hobby that you’ve grown accustomed to. Let’s say for example you’re used to having a drink or two after a long and tiring day and you consider this to be the most effective way to relax. But after a meeting with your doctor, he has suggested that you let go of the habit and try something that would be better for your health. And you agree …so you give up the drink.
For a while afterwards, you might feel like you’ve lost something important to you and you might even think there are no alternatives. But after some time, you’ll soon find new substitutes and you’ll forget the woes you felt when you first gave up your drink.
It can be tough for someone to give up a habit, or at least the fondness for a habit they used to have. One of the reasons for this is because certain things around us can trigger memories of the habit we have just given up. This causes memories of the habit to resurface …and as a consequence, make us crave this habit again. If things around us keep causing us to remember a habit, it can make getting over that habit difficult.
Sometimes it could be:
- Passing by the liquor shop you used to purchase your drinks at
- Hanging out with friends who drink
- That time of the night you’re used to pouring yourself a glass
Getting over someone is a lot like giving up a bad habit. Break-ups can still hurt even years after they happen because we allow our memories to take control of how we feel. Little things constantly cause us to remember our ex. And it’s this constant remembering that makes it hard to let go and fall out of love with our past partner.
Just like if you constantly pick at a wound, it never gets a chance to heal.
The Chains That Bind You To Your Ex
Whenever two things constantly happen closely together, people develop associations between them. For example, say you’re used to having a drink after you have your evening meal. Once you’ve given up drinking, you’ll find that when you finish your evening meal, you’ll be reminded of the drink you used to have. This is called classical conditioning. When two things are associated in a person’s mind and one of them occurs, a memory of the other will be instantly triggered.
The same thing can be said for relationships and attempting to get over someone you love. Visiting places or taking part in activities that you and your ex used to frequent can cause memories of your relationship to resurface. It could be:
- Walking into your favourite restaurant
- Passing by the theatre where you had your first date
- Hanging out with mutual friends
When you find that these occurrences cause you to remember an ex (and makes it harder to let go), it’s probably because your mind has made strong associations that have chained you to your past relationship.
Check out my video on youtube taken from my program "". It details exactly how to release these chains.
Now, How To Use This Info To Fall Out Of Love…
First, it’s important to understand how associations in our mind work. This way, we can better recognize them and therefore prevent them from keeping us tied down.
To better illustrate how these associations function, let’s use your favourite childhood song as an example. Whenever you hear it, no doubt you’ll be flooded with nothing but good memories of happy times. That’s because this song reminds you of the carefree fun you used to have as a child growing up.
But if let’s say, this song was to play for hours on end, you would soon find that it no longer reminds you of your childhood. You would begin to grow annoyed with it. A new association would be created in your mind between this song and the feeling of annoyance. This shows us that associations can be broken. They can be broken if one of the events keeps happening without its corresponding event which it was associated with (i.e. listening to the song hours on end which would cause you to stop thinking about your childhood after a while) ...or if a new event becomes associated with the first event (i.e. the feeling of annoyance would replace the happy thoughts of your childhood. The next time you hear the song, you might not think of your childhood but instead remember how annoyed you felt the last time you listened to that song).
Training yourself to stop thinking about the good times when an associated occurrence happens can help break associations …and thus cause you get over your ex faster. So, let’s say you experience an event that has a strong subconscious association with your ex like passing by the coffee shop you used to always visit together. The next time you pass by that coffee shop, instead of thinking about fond memories of your ex, think instead about some annoying habit they had. Over time, when you pass by that coffee shop – you will find yourself liking your ex less and less.
Why do some people have more trouble moving on than others?
Moving on from a break-up can be particularly hard for certain types of people, this is because they accidentally reinforce associations …rather than break them. Doing things like:
- Reading over old messages and conversations with an ex
- Listening to songs or movies you used to enjoy with an ex
- Going through old photographs of the times you shared with an ex
…only makes things worse. You should always try to avoid playful day-dreaming like this. The next time an associated event occurs, push away those thoughts of your ex completely and don’t be tempted to playfully ponder on them for the next hour or two.
Most people who fail to get over a breakup find it hard to move on because they choose to focus on remembering what they lost. This doesn’t allow the individual the chance to let go of the past.
Feel what needs to be felt, and let go
Much like any living creature, an unfed emotion will die. If you control your mind and stop allowing negative emotions to control you when they arise, you slowly cause them to lose their strength and fade away.
To stop thinking about an ex can be a very difficult task, and in terms of moving on from a break up, it’s probably the biggest hurdle. But if you stay true to your purpose and keep what’s best for you in mind, you will find success.
The pain we feel from losing a lover is very real and should never be taken lightly. But allowing negative feelings to dominate our minds hurts no one but ourselves. The moment we take action and control our emotions, we help ourselves move on and, hopefully, find something (or someone) better.
So, breathe in, breathe out, and take it one step at a time. Time heals all wounds, but only if you do your part.