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Why am I experiencing depression in trying to get over someone?

Want to know how to get over someone?
AND the dark thoughts that can accompany such an event in a persons life?

Then here's something you first need to understand about depression itself...

Depression occurs when we don't get or realise we wont get a thing that meant a lot for us to have. When someone gets dumped the mind realises it now wont have something it really wanted (a partner) and chemicals are realised in the brain inducing depression.

Lets consider a comparison to getting over someone. If you didn't get a job you were hoping to get because someone else got it, you would feel bad about it. But if a week later you passed an interview for an even bigger job you would feel great again and felt your career would take off now.

So what has this to do with getting over someone? People who can't get over someone are people that can’t detach themselves from their ex no matter what. Even if other partners were immediately available, they prevent the needed acceptance from occurring. Acceptance, that allows people to healthily get over someone.

Unrealistic hope can prevent you from getting over someone

So long as you're still hoping even the tiniest amount 2 or 3% that you can still get back with someone that dumped you - acceptance will never occur. And your continued suffering is assured. You will only accept the break up once all hope is gone.

Sometimes people can accept a death more easily than a break up simply because they know that that end is final. You need to rid yourself of any lingering unhealthy hope. This way a person can get over someone much quicker and easier.

  1. Acceptance can only occur once ALL hope is gone: If necessary confirm with the person if its fully over. Sometimes the other person might try to string you along keeping you in their pocket and you'll need to recognise this if it's the case. Again I deal with this topic in the above book. It’s crucial to fully accept its over to get over someone properly.

  2. Daydreaming will only make you feel worse: Stop yourself having any mental thoughts of you and your ex magically being back together and everything being ok. This visualisation will only cause more depression and confusion in your mind.

  3. You must acknowledge that you have other options available to you: Though you don't see it now, they may be much better than the person that dumped you. It can be difficult to get over someone if there aren't other options immediately available to you but you must remember that they are out there.

In essence, you're finding it difficult to get over someone because right now you've lost hope but at the same time you still have this tiny bit of hope that maybe you and your ex will get back together and everything will be better again.

Kill this unhealthy hope and your ties with your ex will begin to fade from your mind. Your pain will disappear and you can look forward to meeting someone new again. This process is the only way to get over someone properly.

Need more help on how to get over someone?

Yes, being dumped has shaken my confidence on my looks -- can you help?

How do I get over an ex through an examination of my belief system?

My ex wronged me, how can I get back at them?

How do I fight loneliness through emotional exposure?

What are the psychological causes of loneliness?

But I really think my ex was "The One"!