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How To Get Over Someone Who Was Your Perfect Match

He was my perfect match!
She was exactly lik me!
I will never find anyone like them again!

Imagine you're on a night out with your friends. You see a cute girl by the bar and you walk over to her. As you're talking to her she clearly shows no interest in you, she won't make eye contact and keeps looking at her watch as if to say “Leave me alone”. You then look at your friends and they're laughing and having a joke. In this situation wouldn't you think they were laughing AT you?

Lets take the opposite situation, say the girl is clearly showing interest. She's twirling her hair as you speak and gazing longingly into your eyes. She's laughing at all your jokes and she gives you her phone number. Right at that moment you look over at your friends and they’re laughing and having a joke. Here wouldn't you would think they were laughing and smiling WITH you? Here you think they are in admiration and giddy of what you've just achieved.

Lets suppose a situation where you just went up to the bar to order a drink, and didn't try chatting up anyone. You look at your friends and they're laughing and having a joke. You wouldn't think anything of it because people naturally have a laugh and a joke when they’re out. Basically here, your subconscious recognizes no reason why they should be laughing at any thing about you.

What does this have to do with getting over a break up?

Well these 3 scenarios highlight a basic function of the human mind – selective abstraction. Basically this is the natural behavior of our minds to try to find clues to back up the things we are doing or thinking about at that particular time. In other words - what you think about is what you get.

In the above 3 situations your friends were probably never laughing at anything you were doing either when you were successfully picking up the woman or the case where you were failing to pick her up. They were probably laughing and joking as they would be during any night out. The reality of the human mind is that it sees only what it focuses on and not the reality. What it sees is a reflection of the thoughts that are in your mind.

Selective abstraction plays a major role in love ...and in getting over a break up. When a person falls in love with someone their mind begins looking for even more similarities between themselves and the new partner in order to convince them more that the other person is a good match for them.

However the problem with selective abstraction is that after a break up, the person is often only able to see all the similarities that existed between them and their ex and completely look over all the ways they weren’t compatible and even the ways they were polar opposites in certain regards. It's important to understand that a persons similarity to us (and thereby their suitability as a partner) is only the result of how your mind weighed up (on it's own) the similar and dissimilar qualities between you both. In reality, you're not actually as similar to your ex as your mind would have you believe. Its just tricking you …and you need to make yourself aware of this.

Need more help?

Yes, how do I need to change my mentality in order to get over a break up?

How can I re-establish my ego and get over my ex?

Why do we fall in love?

How can I get my man back using psychoanalysis?

How can I get a guy back by being subtle about things?


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