Skip to main content

You are in the: How To Get Over Someone article section               

3 Questions People Keep Asking After A Breakup That Block Recovery

In getting over a break up you're probably struggling with questions like:

  • Did he really love me or was I just being a fool?
  • Will anyone ever love me again?
  • Am I worthless? etc.

This is the normal response for anyone getting over a break up.

People often fall in love not because they actually love another person. They fall in love as a means of making up for something that’s missing from their lives. So they don’t love the individual. They only love the relief from problems such as loneliness or low self esteem that being with the other individual entails.

In getting over a break up, you must realize that you miss the feelings of love itself and not actually the person that broke up with you.

So how does this help me in getting over a breakup?

Getting over a break up is all about examining who you are, who your ex was and what caused the relationship to develop in the first place. You need to asking yourself questions like these after a breakup. Because once you know how superficial a relationship was, it will help you in getting over a break up when the relationship ends. You will know how easily it could be replaced. Lets take a situation:

  • A girl has a low self-image problem.
  • She then starts going out with a good-looking guy.
  • Now she would feel her low self image problem was unjustified. After all, if a good-looking guy wants to go out with her, then she must be cool.
  • She would naturally fall in love with him because he solved this problem in her life.

However if he dumped her, then her low self-image problem would re-emerge and make getting over a break up extremely painful. She doesn't need her ex back; she just needs someone to solve her self-image problem. Alternatively, she could try and tackle her problem on her own and not make it a factor in choosing a boyfriend.

Getting over a breakup by finding a new relationship quick

In getting over a break up, sometimes the easiest solution is to find someone new quickly and have a relationship with him or her. It can provide a means of easing the pain. However, this approach is short lived. You will have to break up soon with your new partner when you find you haven't got anything in common with them. And so the pain of your previous relationship re-emerges.

If you truly want to succeed in getting over a break up, you must tackle the root causes of your pain. Your esteem and ego have taken a beating and this is really what’s causing your pain. Do you wish that your ex is unhappy now and that they wont find someone as good as you now? If you answered yes, then you cant say you truly loved the person.

True love means you want them to be happy no matter what. If you feel anger or resentment towards your ex, its resentment because they took away your means of covering up problems you have. The reality is that a lack of self belief and self confidence is the cause of 95% of lifes problems. If you can fix this issue, then many of lifes problems such as getting over a break up become easy.

Want more info?

Yes, why do we fall in love?

I can't stand the thought of being single because I've always been in a relationship. Can you help me?

How do I know if it's infatuation or love?

How long does it take to get an ex back after a break up?

How can I win my ex back by re-examining my communication style?