Skip to main content

You are in the: How To Get Over Someone article section               

5 Critical Stages Of Getting Over Someone Quickly (Kübler-Ross Model)

If you and your partner have just broken up, you'll be glad to find out that the pain you are now suffering can be reduced significantly. This can be achieved simply by understanding the correct way to handle your mindset after the relationship break up.

A relationship break up hurts whether you were madly in love with your partner or if it was a short relationship where feelings hadn't developed fully. However if you loved the person and felt they were "the one" I particularly want to help you because you'll be suffering to a greater degree.

There are 5 stages of getting over someone. These are known in psychology circles as the Kübler-Ross model. They are:

  1. Denial

  2. Anger

  3. Bargaining

  4. Depression

  5. Acceptance

How can these stages help me get over someone?

In order to recover from a relationship break up, you will have to go through and complete each stage. Denial is first and takes place minutes after the break up. Here, you can't accept that the break up has taken place. Usually within hours comes anger. Here you feel anger because the relationship has ended.

Next your mind will drift towards bargaining. Here you bargain either in your head that you will get them back or by physically bargaining with your ex to take you back. Bargaining is by far the most important stage.

The main reason why some people fail to get over a relationship break up even after months and years have passed by is because they hold onto a 1% hope in their mind that they can still get their ex back. Hope is a good thing but unrealistic hope can be damaging.

Hope is preventing me from getting over the relationship break up?

Yes, this is the case in the majority of situations, though it’s not the only reason. In my book "THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology" I go through the full set of reasons a person feels bad after a relationship break up and how to deal with them properly. Only when you know the reasons why your mind is suffering so much, can you remedy the situation.

As mentioned above, holding onto a 1 % chance, that you are still able to get your ex back, prevents you from recovering. It’s like a roadblock. Your subconscious reasons that it doesn't have to get over the relationship break up because you're telling it there’s still hope of getting back together. This ensures your continued suffering.

So what can be done about this? You need to get rid of this 1% of hope. Arrange to meet with your ex and find out if it’s definitely over. It’s important to get this confirmation. Also, you should remove any old pictures and belongings of your ex from your environment so that your subconscious recognises that the relationship break up was final and can begin to move through the other stages to recovery.

Want more info about this topic?

Yes, why do some men find it difficult to commit?

How can I forget an ex by changing my viewpoint?

How can I make my ex jealous so they'll want to get back with me?

How come the reasons my ex gave me for the break up don't make sense?

Can making someone jealous actually make them feel good

I don't think i'm strong enough to forget someone I really loved!