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Why does breaking up hurt so much?

You hurt me so much!
I'm hurting so much after my breakup!
Why do breakups hurt so much?

Everyone knows that it hurts being dumped. However, not everyone knows the actual reasons for this pain. In trying to get over your ex, and relieve your pain, you must first find out the true cause of your pain and not the superficial one of your ex physically leaving you.

You're probably saying that this is nonsense. You're thinking - the reason you're feeling so broken hearted is because he or she is "The One". In reality, the root causes of your pain have nothing to do with your ex. Most individuals don't realize this, as they aren't trained in psychology and how it relates to relationships and love.

Without this training and knowledge, people naturally assume that the pain experienced is due to losing their ex. In the book "THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology" I show the true reasons why breakups hurt so much and how to tackle them so as to make being able to get over your ex easy. I want to go through a few examples of these here in this article.

5 Strange Reasons Why Breakups Hurt So Much

The pain you're suffering in trying to get over your ex is 90% related to outside factors and 10% related to him. If you could fix the 90%, you would feel much better and it wouldn't be as hard to get over your partner. I go through the full 90% factors in my ebook. However here a few free samples if you can't afford the book.

  1. Return To Reality: A lot of people use a relationship as a means of escapism from their life. If you always feel bad when you're alone, or you haven't got many friends, then having a boyfriend/girlfriend was a means to plug these holes. Your partner was like your shield from these other problems in your life and now that they're gone - you have to face them again. Being dependent on a partner like this is unhealthy. If however, you didn't have these hidden issues, it would make being able to get over them much easier. So the pain from this has nothing to do with your ex but rather has to do with your own personal issues.
  2. Damaged Self Confidence: When your ex broke up with you, you probably felt your confidence take a knock. You probably started looking at things in the mirror wondering if your appearance had waned or you had put on weight or something etc. This damaged self confidence is a core reason why the breakup hurts so much. If you knew the breakup had nothing to do with you or your looks but had to do with a factor on your exs side, you'd feel much better about it. Therefore a damaged self confidence is a key factor that’s making it hard to feel good right now.
  3. Intimacy: Often when someone starts going out with a new partner, the persons friends take a backseat in their life. How much they take a back seat will depend on how much you reduce your contact with them i.e. going out with your new partner at weekends instead of your friends etc. This happens naturally as its more fun to be with a boyfriend/girlfriend than your friends. The problem is that your partner now takes on the role as your main outlet for intimacy. Entrusting this responsibility to them will not seem like such a good idea in the event the relationship breaks up. When it does you're left feeling more heartbroken than you otherwise would have done. This pain is not due to you missing your ex but actually because you miss the intimacy. And intimacy can be replaced.
  4. Unclear Future: A big reason you're probably finding it hard to get over your ex is not due to them, but rather the fact your future is unclear right now. You had thought of your future as being with him/her but now you have to change that future and at the moment what it will be is unclear. However if you had another partner available to you that was as good or better than your ex, you'd feel much better because you'd have a future again.
  5. Friends And Families Reaction: When you're partner dumped you, probably one of the first things that came to your mind was - "What will everyone think when they hear I’ve been dumped!!" If you there are people you don't like you'll be especially worried because you'll have it on your mind that they will be gossiping about this for ages. This shows that a key area of your pain has nothing to do with your ex but actually has to do with your dread of people finding out about the break up and what they'll be thinking.

Was that helpful?

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