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Thinking Of Ending A Relationship? Remember It WILL Hurt You Too...

If you're thinking of ending a relationship, you should be aware that the process of losing that person from your life will, to one degree or another, hurt. Now obviously, you're the one taking the decision so it’s going to hurt you a lot less than your soon to be ex.

However you will still suffer pain. To ensure you recover quickly after ending a relationship you need to do some preparatory work. In the event that you see you're ex with someone new in a couple of weeks time, you'll want to make sure that you're fully over them by then.

In my book "THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology" I go through the key area of classical conditioning. I want to talk about this here in more detail.

How can classical conditioning help me in ending a relationship?

Being able to remove your ex from your mind will make it much easier in ending a relationship. Once you break up with someone, you must be prepared for the possibility that in response they could look for someone new quickly to either make you jealous or help make themselves feel better. So where does classical conditioning come in? Well, in classical conditioning:

  • Anchors are created in your subconscious mind when two separate things are connected together.

  • When you remember one thing, a memory is triggered of something else causing both items to be anchored together.

An example would be a song that you and your partner used listen to. As soon as you hear this song, it causes you to think of your ex. Now when ending a relationship, you don't want everything around you to be causing you to remember your ex. It'll make getting over them and moving on that much harder.

Worse, if you find you can't stop thinking about your ex, you might start questioning whether you were right to break up with them. They may or may not have a new boyfriend/girlfriend by then so its important you are fully prepared.

So how can I break these anchors when ending a relationship?

Anchors can be removed in 2 ways:

  1. Simply by having one event happen repeatedly without its corresponding event happening with it. If you keep going to the same places where you and you ex went to, you would soon start disassociating that place with your ex because they were no longer there. You would in time associate this place with something or someone else. This helps when ending a relationship but it works at a slow rate.

  2. An accelerated version of this, which I recommend, would be when you go to a place that reminds you about your ex, think about any negative qualities of your ex that you didn't like. Also think of the reasons that caused you to become distant from your ex and break up with them. Doing this re-affirms in your mind why you should not want your ex back. It will make ending a relationship and recovery much more fluent.

Removing anchors allow your subconscious to quench any possibility of you longing unhealthily for your ex. It will only regard them as an irreverent part of your past.

Need more help on ending a relationship?

Yes,  how do I break up with someone I love?

Can I ask my ex to be friends even if I'm the one who broke off our relationship?

How do I get over my ex boyfriend by analysing my pain?

How do I deal with a breakup by reducing dependence?