Skip to main content

You are in the: How To Break Up With Someone You Love article section  

How To Break Up With Someone ...And Not Destroy Them In The Process

If you want to know how to break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend you need to ask yourself how you yourself would like to be broken up with. The thing that probably comes to your mind is that you'd like it to be as painless as possible. Therefore, use this as your starting point.

In order for a relationship to succeed, both parties need to be fully committed to the relationship. The fact that you aren't means its best for you BOTH to end the relationship. I say both because if the other person feels they are actively playing some part in the break up, it will lessen their pain that bit extra.

Its like they're not being dumped outright but rather are actively participating in the break up because they recognise the break up is necessary to ensure you both find healthier relationships elsewhere.

How To Break Up By Avoiding Blame

Try to avoid blaming them for the break up. If the dumped person feels that they have in some way caused their own demise, it can leave them feeling angry and increases their pain. This is the type of pain that can grow and grow because they will be constantly be thinking things like:

  • "What if I had spend more time with them like they said I should have"

  • "What if I showed more emotion like they said I hadn't"

  • "What if...."

You should always be honest but try and steer the break up conversation more towards the fact you're both incompatible rather than getting into a tit-for-tat argument about what you both did and didn't do in your relationship.

I've said before on this website that you should ideally do the break up in person rather than on the phone. If you've had a decent relationship with them up until now, don't undo things in this last hour by disrespecting them with a text or phone call break up.

How To Break Up By Being Honest

Sit with them and explain how it just won’t work out. Answer any questions they have but hold you're ground and don't give in to "Giving it one more try".

One of the most important advices on how to break up with someone is to leave your ex with no doubt but that the relationship is definitely over. If you leave them with a 1% bit of hope that you might change your mind, that 1% hope will prevent them from getting over you and only drag out their pain longer than necessary.

Finally, try and keep the break up clean. If you have any intent of being friends with them after the break up, how you handle yourself during that 20-30 minutes of breaking up with them will make all the difference.

Need more help on how to break up?

Yes, how do I break up with someone I love?

How do I use anchors to move on after a breakup?

I have some doubts about ending my relationship. Will it hurt me just as much as my partner?

How can I turn the pain of a breakup around?