Skip to main content

You are in the: Dealing With Jealousy article section           

I’m Jealous! …does that mean there’s something wrong with me?

Sometimes jealousy in a relationship can be a good thing because it keeps you alert to possible situations where your partner might stray. In this instance, jealousy is simply your subconscious mind's way of alerting you to possible dangers of the relationship ending so that you will:

  1. Take action to prevent it from ending or

  2. Leave the relationship before ending up hurt from your partner.

However jealousy becomes a problem when it becomes more than just an “alert system” but instead turns into a mechanism to unduly control the other person.

How do I know if I’ve crossed the line into “contol”

The following are signs that your jealousy is an unhealthy one:

  • Being quick to accuse your partner of flirting.

  • Being prone to fits of anger over trivial matters.

  • Monitoring or attempting to monitor  your partner’s email or cellphone text messages.

  • Attempting to police your partner’s social life.

  • Being paranoid about your partner’s whereabouts at all times

  • Using physical violence or emotional attacks against your partner due to feelings of jealousy.

  • Trying to make your partner feel bad for seeing family and friends instead of you.

  • Constantly demanding for your partner’s attention.

  • Constantly hounding your partner with text messages or email.

  • Thinking that it’s ok for your partner to give up work, studies or leisure time in favor of you.

When you start exhibiting these kinds of behavioral traits, your jealousy might already be crossing the line into “control.” Remember that no person has the right to exercise control over another’s social life – not even if you are into a relationship with that other person. You jealousy could be detrimental to your relationship with your significant other.

And Remember…

If you feel jealous about something - evaluate your thoughts an hour or two after you become jealous. This will allow you to more clearly identify whether your thoughts are rational or unfair to the other side.

It might be that your partner is really doing improper actions towards the opposite sex that trigger you to be suspicious. In this case, these things should not be ignored.

Need more info?

Yes, how do I discuss a jealousy problem with my partner?

How can I overcome jealousy by not comparing myself with others?

How do I use operational feedback to overcome shyness?

How do I make my ex jealous enough to want to get back with me?

How can I overcome shyness by letting go of the perfection trap?