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What determines if a marriage can be successfully rebuilt again after an affair?

After the affair, a relationship can take on a whole new feel. If you had strong trust before the affair, it will take a while to get used to things without this trust being present. It will probably take several years to get back to anywhere near where it used be.

There are a number of factors, which can indicate to you how successful your relationship can be after the affair.

They can also include pointers that show if such infidelity was a once off incident or if it could possibly be a recurring theme throughout your relationship. Factors to look at after the affair include:

  • How good the relationship was before the affair
  • How committed both partners are to saving the relationship and their desire to want to make it last long term
  • The communication skills of both parties
  • Whether the offending individual is willing to go to counseling as a show of desire to make your relationship work

Counseling after the affair

After the affair I highly recommend going to counseling. The reason for this is that the person that had the affair might give one reason for their infidelity while another reason might be the real cause.

Unfortunately even the person that's been cheated on might not realize themselves the underlying reason for why their partner cheated. Consequently, if the real reasons are not highlighted after the affair, both of you wont be able to work on and fix them.

If the underlying reasons for the infidelity are not dealt with, there’s a high chance that the person will cheat again as what caused them to have the first affair will still cause them to have the second affair later on.

Knowing when enough is enough after the affair

A psychologist or counselor will be able to identify if there are fundamental flaws in the relationship and if whether or not these can be fixed. Such basic flaws can include:

  • Lack of compatibility
  • Lack of companionship and love
  • Personality clashes etc

If the infidelity is not just a once off, but the offending partner has cheated before, you will have to ask serious questions about the viability of your relationship. In trying to sort out serial cheating, a psychologist should be sought, as the reasons for the cheating are usually to do with personality flaws of the individual cheating rather than outside factors.

Such personality problems are usually difficult to fix as they are ingrained in the persons psyche. A consultation with a psychologist after the affair and how it goes can give a better idea if your relationship can be saved successfully or not.

Need more help on this topic?

Yes, is it possible to change a serial cheater?

What's the wrong way to handle a cheating boyfriend?

How do I spot a liar by analyzing his body language?

How can I avoid assumption paralysis and overcome insecurity in my relationship?

How can I restructure my relationship after the occurrence of emotional infidelity?


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