Skip to main content

You are in the: How To Get Over An Affair section                         

How to make someone fall in love with you

Why do husbands usually want to come back to their wives after an affair?

My husband cheated on me!
Does this mean my marriage is over?

Affairs can be confusing. One the one hand your husband has jumped into bed with another women in what looks like an attempt to get away from you and be with someone else. But then on the other hand they beg for forgiveness and want to make your marriage together work.

(NOTE: To discover how to program your husbands mind into becoming emotionally tied to you and prevent him from cheating again, check out my book "THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology".)

Now, you’re asking “Why does he want to come back to me?” Is it because he is just feeling guilty? Or is it because of some other reasons? Dealing with infidelity can really make you have lots of questions. And the answers a hurting wife can have in her mind may only be half of what the truth really is.

2 Common Reasons Why Husbands Come Back to their Wives

  1. They realized it was a terrible mistake: The truth is that men often engage in extramarital affairs in an attempt to cope with self-esteem problems. The idea seemed good at that time only. They were either feeling bad about themselves or were under too much stress. Some worry about aging, while others feel that they’re a failure. They really did not intend to look for an affair, but the circumstances made it easy for them to have one.

    More often than not, men who cheat think they’ll do it only once and that no one needs to find out so no one gets hurt. Unfortunately, people do find out and get hurt. And this is when reality hits them. Cheating only added more problems for them. The stress, insecurities, and doubts still remain and now the marriage is being affected. Most of all, they have hurt the one they love. This isn’t what they had in mind when they cheated. It was a stupid mistake.

  2. They want their life back: Soon enough, husbands who cheat usually realize what they have lost and would do just about anything to have everything back the way it was. But the thing is that they just can’t. After an infidelity, things will never be exactly the same.

    Indeed, it’s true that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. It is only after an infidelity that the cheating husband appreciates how good his life was. The problem now is how he can convince his wife of his realizations. Even if a cheating husband can convince his wife to take him back, he will never be able to fully enjoy the life he had before.

Set Boundaries If You Take Him Back

Although infidelity is a very serious offence in marriage, it doesn’t have to end the marriage. You may not trust your husband that much now, but there’s probably a part of you that wants the marriage to be saved. It may seem that your husband’s motives are suspicious to you, but never close your mind on the possibility that your relationship can be saved.

So, in order to save yourself from being plagued with doubts, you need to make sure that you clearly set boundaries moving forward. Define what your husband needs to do to win your trust again and get you to cooperate with his efforts to save your marriage.

For instance, if you want to seek marriage counseling, then ask him. Or if it’s transparency and reassurance that you need, demand for it. This is because if you don’t tell him about it, you might get disappointed because he doesn’t know. And only when he can give you what you need from him will you be able to start healing.

Need more help?

Yes, how do marriages change for the worse after an affair?

Can a marriage still be successfully rebuilt after an affair?

What are some known myths about the body language of liars?

What are my options if my relationship is in trouble?

How can I fix my insecurity?