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How An Unmet Need Can Cause You To Get Into A Bad Marriage

In understanding what makes a bad marriage, it's important to first understand what exactly constitutes a healthy marriage. A healthy marriage is one that was founded primarily on love. This is as opposed to relationships, which a person enters solely as a means of filling an unmet need in their life.

Let's take the example of a girl who didn't have many friends and looking for a boyfriend so she has someone to be with and give her a social life. The problem is that in such a situation, the girl will be attracted to the guy because of what he can provide for her as opposed to her truly loving him.

This happens on a subconscious level and while she may confuse her feelings with true love, in essence what’s happening is her subconscious recognizes that this guy can fill a part of her life that she's failed at. And so makes her think she loves him so that she'll do everything in her power to keep him. Unfortunately many relationships are founded like this and primarily a means of:

  • Making up for a past failure

  • Compensating for their own weaknesses

  • An attempt to make them feel worthy

How can this cause a bad marriage?

Now all relationships do is some way make up for an unmet need. However, it's when the desire for fulfilling this unmet need is greater than your love for the other individual, that the seeds are sown for a potential bad marriage. The problem is that as the relationship matures, the above girls need for a social life will have become fulfilled.

Once this need is fulfilled, the main reason she was attracted to the guy will become obsolete and this is where problems can enter what seemed like an otherwise healthy relationship. If this realization happens after she's got married to him, she may find herself in a bad marriage

While all relationships will help solve an unmet need you may have in your life, it's when this becomes the predominantly factor for getting together with someone, that the problems arise. Love should always be the over riding motivation in being with someone if a bad marriage is to be avoided.

Is a bad marriage doomed to fail?

First you must try and analyze what were each of your reasons for getting together in the first place and getting married. If you think that one or either of you mainly entered the marriage for reasons other than love, then you should take action to fix things.

In the book "THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology" I show how to rebuild a bad marriage by inducing feelings of love in your partner for you. How is this done? Well in much the same way as a person gets to love another person because they solve an unmet need they have, I show how to program them into loving you by inducing positive memories.

One example of a positive memory you can induce in your spouse is by taking them to places they used go as a child and having a good time there with them. In such an instance, you can program yourself into your spouses inbuilt happy memory bank. This will forever create a link between you and happy memories and cause them to love you and consequently strengthen your relationship with them.

Need more info?

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How should I interview a marriage therapist before making my choice?

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