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How To Leave An Emotionally Abusive Marriage

Are you suffering from emotional abuse in marriage?
And want to know what to do and where to turn?

Thinking of leaving an emotionally abusive marriage can be daunting. A lot of things can make the decision very difficult such as fear, your emotional dependency towards your partner, or perhaps humiliation.

However, when you feel like your soul is dying, you can no longer come up with excuses for your partner’s behavior the way you used to. You know it in your heart that it’s becoming an unending cycle, especially if you’ve already tried seeking help or your partner refuses to.

So in this article, I want to discuss the steps and thing to consider when leaving your husband and his abuse.

5 Point Plan To Leaving Your Abusive Husband Or Wife

  1. Trust your instinct: If you feel something is not right, you’re probably right. All of us have an idea of what is normal and what is not. If you have the slightest feeling that your partner is controlling you or trying to put you down, the tendency is for you to deny it to yourself. However, the longer you allow yourself to be blinded and let the abuse continue, the more your self-esteem will be damaged.

  2. Talk to friends and family: They will be likely objective and honest in telling you whether you are still in a healthy marriage or not. It is very important to listen to them if they are expressing concern about your well-being. After all, they are only thinking of what’s best for you.  Deciding to end the abuse and the marriage will be a very challenging and emotional phase. You will need a good support system to help you build back your self-esteem and get on your feet again.

  3. Be prepared financially: Make sure to have copies of important financial documents like bank statements, credit card statements, land titles, car titles, property appraisals, etc. And ensure financial independence like opening your own bank account or obtaining a credit card in your own name. You need to be financially ready to be on your own once you leave your abusive partner. Otherwise, you might end up going back at his mercy if you can’t survive on your own.

  4. Carefully plan your exit and leave: Make sure to leave the house at a time that is safe for you and your children (if you have kids). Never let your partner know you are planning to leave as it may be dangerous for you. Ensure that people you trust are aware of when you are going to do it. Also, make sure you have found a secure shelter in advance.

  5. Seek professional help: Consult a divorce attorney on how you can go about the divorce process. It is also highly advisable for you to undergo counseling to help you undo the negative programming your abusive partner will have instilled on your mind. It is far more difficult to move on from an emotionally abusive marriage than just a marriage breakdown for other reasons. Reaching out to those who are or have been in the same situation as yours can be very helpful too.

If you are in doubt…

Remember that an emotionally abusive marriage isn’t normal. No matter who you are or what mistakes you may have done, you don’t deserve such treatment. Although it’s normal to have conflicts in marriage, you should not be experiencing a continuous negative experience like being put down, belittled, insulted, living in fear, or being made to feel worthless.

A survey of women who are married, have been married, and in common law relationships showed that approximately 1 out of 3 have experienced emotional abuse. And the sad part is that most of the time, emotionally abused women don’t recognize that they are in fact in an emotionally abusive marriage.

This is because signs of verbal abuse aren’t as evident as with physical abuse. However, it’s harder to repair the scars emotional abuse cause than those from physical abuse. You have the choice to end the cycle of abuse and get your life back. The life you deserve.

Need more help?

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Are marriage self-help books any good?


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