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How can I save my marriage if my mind is in a mess?

When trying to save a marriage, there are set rules you should follow. This is as opposed to randomly making things up, as you go along, in the hope you get it right. A marriage is an important part of anyone's life and consequently you should give it the respect it deserves.

To be able to save a marriage, you will first need a clear head. And the only way you can have a clear head right now with all the turmoil that's going on is to rid yourself of all your negative emotions. You're probably experiencing a lot of these negative emotions right now, such as:

  • Anger

  • Fear

  • Blame

  • Resentment etc

While this is normal for anyone whose marriage is in difficulty, the problem is that these emotions only make things worse and block you from being able to work on saving your marriage. Recognizing that you've got these emotions and that it's necessary to clear them will help let your subconscious see the problem and begin working towards removing them.

Self Analysis

When you've cleared your head as best you can, you will be able to tackle the next step more easily - self analysis. It's not always easy to analyze yourself as it can throw up personal insecurities that we'd prefer to keep hidden. However, you'll have to examine your behavior towards your spouse and the marriage.

  • Have you been overly critical of your spouse?

  • Have you needlessly started arguments?

  • Have you added fuel to arguments and kept them going?

  • Do you take your spouse for granted? Etc

If some of these sound like they apply in your case, then you'll have to admit that part of your marital problems have been caused by you. If you accept responsibility for the way things are, you'll be able to come at the problem in a better way.


If you see areas where you have contributed to the situation, you should admit this to your spouse and apologize. Admitting wrong like this can help the other individual to open up too as they see that you're letting down the defenses that you've built up over time. This is the first step to healing successfully.

Don't suggest that they should admit their wrong. You should take on responsibility for the way you've been and begin moving on from there. You're showing yourself to be the bigger person by taking the first move and you're also showing your seriousness and intent about saving the marriage.

This may or may not work on its first attempt depending on how much resentment has been built up. However, it will work in time if you keep trying it. You're being sincere in what you're saying and the motivation behind saying it. This will always get through to a partners heart and better judgement. It's not easy to save a marriage, but it can be done with the proper approach.

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