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Can there be psychological reasons that cause divorce?

I often get asked what are the main reasons for divorce. The truth is that there's no simple answer and that marriage breakdown is individual to each marriage and the personalities of the couples themselves.

In this way, if a marriage is in trouble, and the couple can't seem to be able to find a solution, the best course of action is to seek professional help. Counselors are trained to pinpoint the exact causes of problems in a relationship and give the couple a course of action that best fits them.

However, not everyone is willing to get help and the result can be a painful and expensive divorce. I'd like to examine here the main reasons for divorce. Knowing which of these applies in your situation will help you see things more clearly and what course of action is required to fix the situation.

6 Personal Reasons For Divorce

  1. Looking for quick fix solutions: It's human nature to look for the quickest and easiest solution to any problem we face. No one likes a long difficult solution to a problem. However marriage difficulties don't have quick fix solutions but rather must be worked on steadily over time. Sometimes people look for quick fix solutions to their pain and get involved in extra marital affairs as a means of escapism. Modern attitudes, that infidelity is within reason if your spouse doesn't meet your needs, are one of the main reasons for divorce.

  2. People are proud: People generally have a proud independent nature to them. We like to believe that we can control our marriage and can make it work. The problem is that sometimes we don't possess the necessary skills to do this. Sometimes we need outside professional help to examine where we're going wrong. If we can't humble ourselves to seek this help early enough, the damage can sometimes be beyond repair later on.

  3. People marry to make them happy: High on the list of reasons for divorce is that some people expect a marriage and a spouse to be the solution to all their problems. Now that they're married, they don't have to worry about being lonely or not feeling loved. The problem is that marriage generally throws up a whole host of new problems that have to be met like bringing up children and meeting mortgage repayments. If a person can't solve problems before getting married, they're unlikely to be prepared for the stress of new problems that a marriage can bring along.

  4. Not fighting fairly: Some people have a romantic notion of love that it should involve no fighting. The problem then is that when the couple do fight, they can be surprised and taken aback and immediately throw up the defenses. Instead of understanding that fighting is normal in marriage, they withdraw from their partner, harbor resentment and eventually fall out of love. Consequently, not understanding how to handle fighting in a relationship is one of the major reasons for divorce.

  5. Control: In any relationship, there's an unspoken sense of who has power or control in the relationship. One person may make all the decisions while the other sits back and follows orders. Some relationships will have a 50-50 balance of power. However, in marriage, things change over time. If a change in the balance of power occurs against the other partner’s wishes, it can lead to a stalemate and emotional withdrawal by one or both spouses.

  6. Disposable world: Our world is a world whereby if something is broken, we just throw it away and get a new one. You would think this kind of attitude wouldn't apply to something as serious as a marriage, but it does. The institution of marriage is no longer held in the high esteem that it once was. No one bats an eyelid anymore if a marriage fails. Rather than working to make a marriage happy, people sometimes just give up and hope the next marriage will be better. A mentality like this can be amongst the top reasons for divorce. The problem is that if they weren't prepared to truly work on making the first marriage work, they're unlikely to make the second one any more successful.

Reasons For Divorce - Final Thought

While some situations such as repeated adultery or domestic violence can seem like straightforward reasons for divorce. Some are not as straight forward and must be dug at to find them.

A lot of couples I come across who are suffering marital problems seem to have been unprepared for what a marriage is really all about - work. Work to keep it going and to keep it happy. And when a couple aren't prepared to work or leave it to late to work on it, the result can be divorce.

If you can appreciate that it requires effort to have a happy marriage, then you're half the way there. You have to acknowledge a problem before you can solve it and when a couple realize this, a happy marriage can be within their grasp.

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