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I want to end my affair with a married man ...but it's too hard for me!!

Affairs with married men always end badly. It’s in their nature. The reality is that you're both being dishonest to the people around you about the relationship. So even if he left his wife and started a new relationship with you, there would never be trust in your relationship with him. And trust is a foundation block for any long lasting and healthy relationship.

Knowing that affairs with married men are doomed should make it easier on you when breaking up with him even if you like him very much. If you're in an affair, you might want to consider being pro-active in the situation and breaking off the affair now in an amicable fashion so as to avoid being tarnished when you're "found out" down the line.

Would you miss him? ...or the power you feel by having him?

Even if you entered the relationship from a physical point of view and wanting him for sex only, feelings for him were bound to follow.However, these feelings may not necessarily be for him but rather as a direct result of other issues in your life. For example, many women enter affairs with married men as a way of proving to themselves they are worthy and capable of "stealing" a man.

If you enjoy this feeling from your affair, then you might find it difficult breaking up with the man because you will be losing this power. However, recognizing that it's this power you miss and not the man himself will make the break up easier on you psychologically. If you dealt with this need for power rather then giving in to it and satisfying it through an affair, you would be make yourself into a stronger individual.

Focus On The Negatives (...Because There Are Plenty!)

In trying to forget about the guy after dumping him, you should focus on all the negative ways the affair has impacted your life rather than pining for him and only remembering the good times.

Negative aspects can be those that have already happened or ones that will happen should the relationship be found out. Negative aspects that should motivate you in breaking up with him include:

  1. He may just be using with no feelings for you whatsoever

  2. Having to sneak around towns and cities booking into hotels and hoping you don't bump into someone that would give the game away. (While this undercover nature can seem exciting, when you're found out it will only serve to be embarrassing as you weren't as clever as you thought you were)

  3. His marriage could end and you may find yourself expected by him to fill the place of his wife and family.

  4. If children are involved, they will be heartbroken and may direct that feeling towards you for causing it. If you did get together with him, you'd have to deal with this reality every single time you met them.

  5. Affairs with married men are amongst the most frowned upon things there are in society. The woman who has the affair is tarnished with the title of home wrecker and is often relegated by society to the rank of "outsider" or some someone not to be seen with. Often the woman having the affair with the married man doesn't take this into consideration at the time and it's only when the relationship is found out and exposed that she finds herself seen in such a negative light by her community.

Ending Affairs with Married Men

Know the above and accepting them will make ending affairs with married men easier. You should break up with him the same way you would with any other type of relationship. First and foremost - be honest. Outline the above negative aspects of this affair so he can understand too that you're both on a bad road.

If you're having difficulty in coming to the decision to break up with him, read my book "THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology" It will make getting over a break up easy as it shows the real reasons for pain after a break up and how love has an almost negligible impact for causing this pain.

When you know the real reasons for feeling pain in breaking up with someone, you can deal with it and forget about your ex easily.

Need more info?

Yes, how come affairs with married women never work out?

How do I dump my boyfriend painlessly?

What do hidden messages have to do with overcoming insecurity?

Why do husbands still want to come back to their wives after an affair?