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How To Overcome Insecurity In Relationships – By Avoiding Assumption Paralysis

Assumption paralysis is a term I use to describe the unhealthy way our minds rush to make assumptions about the world around us.

What do I mean?

Well …making assumptions can be dangerous.

The truth is that no two events are really the same and attempting to predict the course of your new relationship based on similar past experiences with your previous one could lead to trouble. 

For example:

  1. Assuming Your Current Partner Is Bad: You might be thinking that your current significant others behavior doesn’t quite measure up to the standards set by your previous lover. You base your opinion on your previous partners behavior which is not always an accurate comparison …as they may have had a different personality type to your current partner meaning that their actions could mean different things.

    Lets take an example of where an ex rarely called you on their cell phone and cheated on you. This could be because she is a serial cheater. Now what would happen if you met a girl who rarely called you on her cell phone? You might make the assumption that she might cheat on you again, but it might be the case that she simply doesn’t like talking on the phone and prefers to text.

  2. Assuming Your Current Partner Is Good: On the other hand, you could be missing warning signs in your current relationship based on the behavior exhibited by your ex. For example, Lets say your ex was a girl that had lots of male friends, but it never was an issue and you broke up with her because you felt that the relationship had just drifted apart. You then start going out with someone new who was a party girl and flirted with loads of guys.

    Here you might mistaken assume that just because she knows lots of guys, that this doesn’t mean that she would cheat on you because your ex knew lots of guys and she never did. However, if you assume this reality, it might blind you to any obvious signs that something wasn’t quiet right in your new relationship and that she may already have started cheating on you.

As you can see, drawing these kinds of comparisons can seriously impair your ability to think rationally about your relationship. Furthermore, it might show that you have not completely severed your attachments with your ex.

You Are Not A Mind-Reader

In order to avoid the assumption paralysis, you need to realize one important fact: you are not a mind-reader. Never make the mistake of assuming that you can tell what your partner is actually thinking. This is especially true if your partner is getting annoyed with you­r constant assumptions and often calls you out for being wrong about them.

In fact, it should be noted that making constant assumptions about what your partner might be thinking is actually a sure sign of insecurity. If you continue to foster this insecure attitude, it could lead to the eventual downfall of the relationship. Keep in mind that if you truly trust your partner, then you should not have to worry constantly about what he/she might be thinking at any given moment. Relationships are built on mutual trust after all.­­­

Just remember that even if there are similarities between your current relationship and your previous one, these similarities are not accurate predictors of the success or failure of your relationship.