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Can you be in love with two people at the same time?

Asking this question might seem like a contradiction. Afterall, we have all been brought up with the following kinds of beliefs about love:

  • It was "fate" 
  • They are "the one"
  • They are my “soul mate”

And so when someone finds themselves loving two people at the same time, they get confused because you can only have one "one" right? And only have one "soulmate" right?


Just because you have been brought up with a certain belief, it doesn't mean that belief is right. For example, someone might be brough up with the belief that Islam is the true religion, while someone else might be brought up with the belief that Hinduism is the true religion. They obviously can't both be wrong, so at least one of them is wrong (and maybe even both).

This shows us that beliefs we have been brought up with can be wrong. And when it comes to our beliefs on love, there is no exception.

How are my beliefs on love wrong?

Love is not based on "fate" or "destiny" but can be explained using psychology. I know that might not seem like a very romantic idea but if you are in a situation right now where you are in love with two people at once, knowing just how you came to feel this way will allow you to see which one of these people you should chose to have a relationship with ...and which one to let go.

If you've read any of my articles on love on this website, you will know that a person will fall in love with someone if that person satisfies a subconscious list of things that resides in that persons subconscious mind. This subconscious list is called a persons "Lovemap". It basically details certain things that person is subconsciouslly looking for in a future partner. If that person meets someone who fits even 3/4 of this list, they will be a prime candidate for that person to fall in love with them.

Factors such as our:

  • Values and beliefs
  • Current relationship situation
  • Family background and upbringing
  • Unmet needs and wants etc

All determine the specific set of components that make up our Lovemap and of which we are looking for in a potential partner. 

Depending on your age, you may have been in a few serious relationships and thought each one of those people were "The One". This shows us that there is no such thing as "The One" as you can't have multiple "ones". Someone who is "The one" is simply someone who has met a significant portion of the subconsious components that make up your Lovemap list.

Is it possible to love two people at the same time?

Yes. Its possible that two seperate people would match your Lovemap at the same time. And what can make this confusing for the person is if both of those people match different compoents of your Lovemap. If this happens, it can be difficult to tell which one you love the more. You're not compaing aplles with apples but apples with oranges.

Lets say you have 5 Lovemap components (I show how to analyse a persons Lovemap, including your own, in my book "THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology"):

  • Component A
  • Component B
  • Component C
  • Component D
  • Component E

If one person matches components A,C and E ...while the second person matches components A, B and E on your Lovemap, its possible that you would love both those people, but for slightly different reasons.

You need to properly understand why each person is making you fall in love in order to pick the right one to begin a relationship with. Remember, your Lovemap resides on your subconscious mind you won't be consciously aware of the compoents that make up your Lovemap. 

In my book "THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology" I show how to unearth the compeonts of both your Lovemap and the other persons Lovemap. And then, use this information to make that person to fall in love with you. 

Other things to consider when being in love with two people

Reasons why you might love someone are not confined to things about that other person. The reasons have usually mostly got to do with you. This is a little known fact about falling in love. People are so fixated on the other person that it becomes all about that other person and thus they can overlook reasons on their own side for why they love that particular person.

Addiction to love is a classic example. Some people need to be in a relationship all the time. They need to love someone and be loved. This need can result in them "falling in love" with a person that’s not necessarily a good match for them but are someone who can provide them with a solution to their unmet need.

Now everyone to a degree wants to be in a relationship and feel love. However, if you find yourself actively looking for relationships and always feeling depressed when you are alone, you need to take note of this. Because you might have an inadvertent desire to not only have one person to love you, but two people.

What causes a person to love two people at the same time based on love addiction

If you consistently feel bad when you're single or on you own, you are vulnerable to suffering from love addiction. Being in love and having a relationship is an easy answer to Love someoneyour problem but it doesn't cure the core issue at hand - your self confidence. Or rather lack thereof.

If you suffer self confidence issues you'll naturally feel relieved when someone says they love you or confirms that you’re worthy of a relationship. The problem is that if two seperate people make you feel this way, you might not want to give both of them up. And then end up loving both of them at once.

Loving someone for a bad reason such as a lack of self-confidence is a bad thing ...PERIOD. If you love someone because of one single thing (the way they make you feel worthy for example) it can cause you to over-look other ways in which the two of you are not a good match. If you do with with two people at the same time, you can end up with twice the problem.

Is it possible to love two people at the same time? It is. But that doesn't mean its a good thing. It could be a sign of unresolved personal problems (though not always). If you think you love someone as a result of your own personal problems such as:

  • Lack of self confidence
  • Emotional issues
  • Loneliness etc

...then you should address these issues first before entering a relationship.If you don't face your problems, you will be stuck with an even bigger heap of problems down the line.

However, once they are dealt with and you understand them, you'll have a much better chance of having a healthy long lasting relationship with one single person who you TRULY love ...who is a good match for you.