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Do I love him? ...or love "being with him"?

Often we find ourselves in a relationship having the dreaded question:

"Do I love him? or do I just love being with him?”

The truth that being in a relationship where you don't love your partner is not a fulfilling relationship. It can still be a good relationship on many other levels such as friendship and companionship, but you need to ask yourself if these traits alone are what you're looking for.

In my book "THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology" I go through the reasons a person falls in love and how they can be dismantled easily with the correct knowledge. TV and the media have programmed in us that if love happens, its fate. Ideologies like this are false.

The reality is that our subconscious minds chooses who we fall in love with and for what reason. This isn't evident to our conscious mind, which is why we never pick up on it. However if you are aware of how the subconscious works, you will be quickly able to figure out if you really love him or not.

So do I love him or not?

Consider the following scenarios and see if you can consider yourself to be in true love with your boyfriend:

  1. Is he your priority in life? If you had a choice to put his happiness before yours would you immediately choose yours first? If so you don't love him. True love means you love the other person and want the best for them without condition.

  2. You can picture him as your life partner and being completely fulfilled by a life with him.

  3. You constantly think about him and when you do you're filled with positive, happy emotions.

  4. You have a strong desire to be close to him and hug and cuddle him emotionally.

  5. When you make plans for things, you happily make him a key part of those plans.

  6. He’s not only your boyfriend; he's also over taken someone else in your life as the best friend you've got. Talking to him about things close to your heart is easy and you feel safe sharing your secrets.

  7. You would be willing to swap your life to save his. A bit extreme but true love would make you want the best for your partner even if that meant bad things for you.

  8. You aim to do better in life so that you could help provide a better life for the both of you. You've started putting extra money aside in the hope that you would buy a house or flat with him some day.

  9. You try to get close to his friends and family so you can feel closer to him.

  10. When asked if you are in love, you immediately say "yes!” In other words you would never ask "Do I love him"

The last one should be your answer :-) The truth about love is that if you have to ask yourself "Do I love him" then you almost certainly don't. At least now you don't. True love is not necessarily a thing that happens at first sight. It can develop over time, like a flower or plant being watered that grows and grows.

If the relationship is new, and you ask yourself "Do I love him" then it might be worth giving things a chance and see if you both grow on each other. With this said, if this has been a longer relationship and you find yourself wondering if you actually love him or not, then you almost certainly don't.