How To Get Someone To Fall In Love With You ...By Matching Their Lovemap Components
In order to get someone to fall in love with you, you first you need to understand what their "Lovemap" is...
The term “lovemap” was given to us by the famous American psychologist Dr. John Money. And is the term used to describe the subconscious map (we all have in our mind) of the kind of person that we are likely to fall in love with. I go through this in detail in my book “” …and how to use someones Lovemap to get them to fall in love with you.
What is interesting about Lovemaps is that just like the personal nuances involved in the acquisition of a person’s native language, there are several factors which help to shape a persons own unique Lovemap including:
- Past experiences
- And exposure to different groups of people and communities.
Knowledge of Lovemaps is essential if you want to understand someone at a deep level and get on the right track to getting them to love you.
Why is it so important to getting someone to love you?
Because, by matching even one of a persons’ Lovemap components (and avoiding any behavior that violates these components), you can program their subconscious into forming an emotional bond with you.
But not just any emotional bond – love itself.
Our Lovemap is the secret code that makes each and every one of us fall in love. You’ll be able to derive some Lovemap components on a persons lovemap simply by knowing and having interacted with them. I cover the full set of methods for uncovering the components on a persons lovemap in my book.
How To Get Someone To Love You By Matching Their Lovemap
So how should you display to the person you like, that you match their Lovemap? The best way to do it is INDIRECTLY. Persuasion psychologists warn that telling the person directly is not the best way of going about displaying your good side to a person …as that might be perceived as you bragging about your good points. And people that brag are not attractive.
So you’ll want to do it in an indirect manner. And one of the best ways to indirectly get a point across that you are trying to make ...is through a story. Public speakers use this a lot in presentations to seminars and conferences. Or if you’ve ever been to church, you’ll also notice that the priest uses a story in his sermon to get across the point he is trying to make.
When trying to show the person (ie the person that you want to fall in love with you) that you satisfy a component on their Lovemap, a good way of achieving this is to embed the positive traits you want to get across into a story that you tell them.
How would this work?
Lets say that you are a guy and you find out that the particular girl you want, would love to find a guy that would make her feel protected. Here, you could tell a story about your days in college. Then somewhere in the conversation where you are recounting your college days you could slip in somewhere that you once prevented a fellow student from being mugged.
Here you wouldn’t be directly coming out and saying that you are brave (because you once prevented a mugging) - instead you lead into it by talking about your college days and then just happened to add it in because it was related to the topic you were talking about rather than you making the mugging story a topic in itself.
This allows you to come across as being genuine in what you have said as opposed to someone that’s just bragging. Of course you should never lie about anything you tell the target person. You should only use real stories to convey the qualities you want the target person to see …as a strong long lasting relationship cannot be built on lies.
Stories Are A Powerful Communication Tool
Stories have been proven to be very effective in communicating across a message indirectly to a person for 5 main reasons:
Stories Are Memorable: Stories are like movies or books. They have a start, middle and end which makes them more memorable than just saying something isolated of having a start and a finish to it. When your target person recalls your conversation later, they are more likely to remember the story you told them within the conversation (and consequently the lovemap component you were trying to show them that you satisfied) than they would, had you just tried to convey that message to them without having built a story around it.
Stories Build A Connection Between Teller And Listener: Have you ever told a story to a stranger at a bus stop? Has anyone you asked for directions told you a story about something? Probably not. Stories by their very nature are not told between people who don’t know each other but only between people who have some connection to each other. So by telling them a story, you are communicating to their subconscious that you two already have a bond to some degree. When two people are in a conversation together, stories build a bond between the two parties.
Stories Make For Active Listening: Stories force a person to listen because if they don’t follow the story from start to finish they won’t understand what the story was about. This means you get 100% of their concentration to focus on the point you are trying to make. This is as opposed to normal conversation where the target person may only be three quarters or half listening to the conversation if something else was on their mind. A story forces them to give you their full attention.
Stories Don’t Allow For Counter Arguments: Persuasion psychologists warn that if you want to persuade someone of something, don’t give them a chance to launch a counter argument against what you’re saying. Stories facilitate this. If you were to say that you are intelligent, someone might contradict you. If you embed that characteristic into a story however, they’re less likely to launch a counter argument because you’re not directly saying you’re intelligent but rather saying it indirectly. From their point of view, when they don’t argue with a point you’ve made, their subconscious is more likely to believe that (because they haven’t actively argued the point) they must in part believe and agree with what is being said.
Stories Force The Person To Form A Conclusion: Behind every good story is a moral or a lesson to be learnt. Ever since we were children reading fairytale stories, we have been conditioned that when we hear a story that we must form a conclusion about what that story teaches us and what we can take from it. The “Ugly Duckling” story teaches us that even if a child isn’t good looking, they may be good looking when they grow up. The story of “Rudolf the red nose reindeer” teaches us that even if something makes us seem different from everyone else around us, that that one thing might turn out to be the thing that makes us great. The bottom line is that people trust their own thoughts. So when a person has to make a conclusion on their own from a story you tell them, they are far more likely to believe it than if you had come straight out and said it. A story facilitates such a process.
Lets Take Another Example Of This in Action
Say you’ve discovered from your research into this persons Lovemap (I show how to conduct this research in my book “”) that the person you want to fall in love with you was abandoned by her father when she was young. And that her mother was left to rear her on her own. On a subconscious level, this would likely have instilled a component on her Lovemap for a guy that looked like he would never leave her and that was a “stayer” as they say.
Obviously saying that you would never abandon someone (or a future partner like this) to her wouldn’t sound right. So, a better way (to display to her that you satisfy this component on her Lovemap) would be to do it indirectly by mentioning to her, for example, that you volunteered at a dog shelter when you were in college.
This way you are communicating to her subconscious that you match this key component on her Lovemap because you took care of neglected, abandoned animals. Thus making you someone that would be very highly unlikely to ever abandon her. In short, you match this component on her Lovemap.
How else should I be matching their lovemap components?
When trying to get a person fall in love with you, it's important that you introduce your matching components over a phased basis as opposed to doing it all at once. While doing it all at once will leave them with admiration for you, that admiration could fade before love itself takes hold.
A more effective way of doing it is to introduce your matching components one by one so that the person has time to think about you as a potential match on one major component before meeting you again in say a days/weeks time and you producing another one. This builds their connection with you over time which means you become embedded more strongly into their subconscious.
What you're doing is giving them time to think about you in between the times you meet. One week you can display that you're a confident person while the next week you can display your affectionate and caring side. This process insures maximum attraction on their part.
What if you're in a relationship with the person you want to fall in love with you? - then always pay attention to any changes in their Lovemap. This way you can continually show new positive component matching - on a continual basis. This will ensure that as the relationship goes on - you change for the better ...as opposed to staying the same and your partner never getting to find out new positive things about you …which is a hallmark or a relationship getting stale.