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How To Get Someone To Love You ...By Uncovering The Hidden Parts Of Their Lovemap

Before reading this article, if you’re not familiar with Lovemaps (ie the psychological area behind why we fall in love), read this article first What is a Lovemap?

So, how do you read a persons Lovemap in order to get them to love you? Firstly, lets take an example to illustrate exactly how NOT to read someones lovemap. Say a girl, Sophie, meets Jack at a local bar where both their respective friends hang out every weekend.

When Sophie takes the opportunity to move the conversation to trying to uncover his lovemaps components, it might go something like this:

Sophie: I was reading a magazine today while waiting for an appointment. It went through how different people look for different things in relationships. I thought everyone looked for the same thing. What do you look for in a girl?

Jack: I don’t think I have too many requirements …but she must be good-looking.

Sophie: Ok (thinking to herself: I’m only about average. He’ll never love me)

And so off she goes with a dented confidence and probably thinking she will never be able to satisfy his lovemap.

So what should she do?

Now, what happened here is a classic example of thinking that you’ve read someones lovemap when in fact all you’ve done is read it at a very superficial level. What happened here was Jack threw out what is called a means value …or in other words a physical characteristic that he was looking for in a girl (in this case, a good-looking girl).romantic love story

It’s very easy when someone throws a means value like this, as being what they are looking for, to then go off and feel depressed because you don’t match that physical characteristic.

The reality is that “means values” in themselves are worthless – it’s what’s BEHIND the means value that’s important. And when we talk about what’s behind the means value, what we’re talking about is how that means value makes the person FEEL.

What does this mean?

The important part is not what he says he wants – but how those things make him feel. Lets put this into practical terms so that it becomes clearer. The following is a better way that Sophie could have taken the conversation. This is also the way you should take the conversation with the person you like if you’ve been having difficulty finding out aspects of the persons lovemap:

Sophie: I was reading a magazine today while waiting for an appointment. It said that different people look for different things in relationships. I thought everyone looked for the same thing. What do you look for in a girl?

Jack: I don’t think I have too many requirements …but she must be good-looking.

Sophie: (Sophie nods) Ah ok. How do you feel when you have a good looking girl on your arm?

Jack: I feel admired, like people are looking and thinking that I must be cool. I’d like to be able to show her off.

Here we’re after digging a bit deeper about the reasoning behind why Jack wants a good-looking girl. What’s happened here is that Sophie has unmasked the “means value” (ie the physical characteristic) and found out what’s behind it.

Sophie has found out that Jack is looking to be admired and to be thought of as cool …and he views having a good-looking partner as a way to satisfy this need. Having a need to be admired or to be thought of as cool is a concrete component of his lovemap which Sophie can now work with. If she can work towards making jack feel admired and thought of as cool, then she’ll have worked towards satisfying this component of his lovemap.

You Need To Uncover The HIDDEN Lovemap Component

If someone (like Jack here) puts particular emphasis on good-looks as a lovemap component, there is almost always a hidden lovemap component driving that need for someone that’s good-looking …in Jacks case, the desire to be admired. And this applies whether you want to make a man fall in love ...or a woman.

Jack of course could have given a different reason for wanting a good-looking girl on his arm. Having given a different answer, Sophie may have deduced that he, for instance, wants a good-looking girlfriend because he doesn’t think of himself as good-looking or has a negative self-image problem and would like to compensate for this with a pretty girlfriend …or maybe he thinks of himself as boring or as having little personality and feels a good-looking partner would compensate for this. Whatever answer he gives, for whatever need he shows himself to be in pursuit of – you’ll need to dig a bit deeper to find out what’s lurking behind it that’s making him want that specific thing.

The key is to recognize “means values” (i.e. physical characteristics) as being only the door to the room. You need to find out what this “means value” actually makes him feel …because this is the key to unlocking the door and entering the room – or in other words the key to getting them to fall in love with you.


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