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I want to be loved! I need to be loved!

I want to be loved
I need to be loved
I just want someone to love me!

At face value, the desire to be loved might seem simple. You want someone to hold you (and you them) and tell each other you love one another. But if you want to love (and be loved) in a healthy manner …you must first make sure that your need for love is coming from a healthy place.

Because your need for love can be coming from MORE than one place. And not all are healthy.

Depending on the place where your particular need for love is coming from, it may be that your psychological needs are not balanced. This could be as a result of:

  • Your upbringing
  • A bad past experience
  • Or an unrelated unmet need in your life etc.

Its important to find out where your need for love is coming from so that you go about looking for love in the correct way …and not in a way that could lead you getting  into an unhealthy relationship just for the sake of getting into ANY relationship.

It happens ...and I don't want it to happen to you.

How can I find this out?

In my book “THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology” I go through a number of unhealthy ways in which someone might think they love someone (or be longing to find love in their life) …when in actual fact this need is not stemming from love at all but from an unrelated problem in their life or past.

These problems in THEMSELVES are the problem ...and not a "lack of love". 

Consider the following scenarios to see if any of them apply to your situation:

  1. Wanting To Be Loved As Validation: If you suffer from low self-esteem (or a poor body image etc) and are not currently in a relationship, you may be feeling a need to be loved simply to compensate for these and as a validation that you are a worthy person. The problem here is not love as such, the problem is your low self-esteem. This should be tackled in its own right rather than looking for love to cover over it.
  2. Lack Of Social Life: If a person doesn’t have many friends (or has difficulty in making friends), they may view love as a means of compensating for this. Finding someone to love in essence becomes a way of simply “finding a friend”. The problem here though is that they may be willing to get into a relationship just so they can have a friend …rather than feeling any genuine love for that other person on which to build a long-lasting, fulfilling and happy relationship. In such a situation, if this person was to get a new job and make friends in their new place of work …they may no longer feel the need to have their partner or spouse around as they are no longer in need of having them as a friend. 
  3. Wanting To Be Loved Again After A Breakup: When a person gets dumped, they feel bad as a result of combination of many different things. One of these is simply seeing a sourse of love they had in their life being removed. A breakup can cause a reaction in the person where they want to feel loved again any which way they can. This is how people often get into unhealthy rebound relationships after a breakup even though they don’t love the person they are getting into the new relationship with. They are simply engaging in a reactionary measure to losing something they once possessed.
  4. Neglected As A Child: Studies conducted by the Austrian psychoanalyst Rene Spitz showed that a child who is deprived of being held and touched in the first 6 months of his or her life …can be psychologically damaged. Also, if the parents are generally cold and don’t show much love towards their children growing up, the problem can be exacerbated even more. If a child feels unimportant to their parents, this can be translated later in life to an intense need for love. Here the person is looking for love simply as a form of compensation. 
  5. Splitting Of Love Growing Up: I give my pet dog lots of affection. I give my neighbours dog and my brothers dog lots of affection too when they call over to my house …and my own dog HATES this! When my dog sees me giving affection to other dogs - he immediately comes over to me and begs for more attention than he normally would. In essence, he is insecure about seeing that my love is now split between himself and these other dogs. A similar situation can occur in children growing up in a family. When a child is born, they are in most cases showered with love and affection. However, when another child comes along, the first child now sees the parents love (that they once enjoyed all to themselves) being spit with another child. The love is now split 2 ways. If another child comes along, the love is then split 3 ways. The first child sees the most splitting of love, while the last child sees none. The love they would have seen growing up would always have been the same. If you were a first born child and you saw a splitting of love growing up, it could make you feel insecure about love growing up. 

Here’s Why You Really NEED To Pay Attention To This…

With the above, the person can not only develop an intense need for love in their life …BUT even if they are already in a relationship, it can cause the person to constantly question if they are really being loved by their partner and spouse.

And if a partner or spouse has their other half constantly questioning their love for them, this in itself can undermine this love overtime. The more their partner questions their love, the more they can subconsciously begin to question it themselves. Over the course of a number of years, this can have devastating effects for the long-term viability of that relationship.

This is why it is SO IMPORTANT to remedy any underlying issues that might be causing you to feel an intense need of wanting to be loved and for feeling loved.

So, what should I do?

First off – DON’T WORRY! Many of the above situations are not your fault. These are things that can happen to anyone in life. The key is recognising them as problems. And accepting that they exist. Only then can you begin to work on fixing them. 

In my book “THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology” I reveal how to unearth any unhealthy reasons why you might be looking for love in your life or are still holding on to love for someone in your past. I then show how to easily erase each one of these using a set of psychological techniques anyone can do.

When you do this, you then have a healthy platform off which to bring love into your life.

Making someone fall in love with you then becomes much easier. You are now looking for love from a position of confidence and self-esteem. Love itself becomes easier to find …and that love also has a much higher likelihood of being a healthy love from a high quality type of person that you no doubt want to bring into your life.