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Is it ok to marry a man who loves you more?

The fact that someone would ask this question highlights an important way in which modern society has programmed us. The reality of modern society is that we have been brainwashed from a very early age into believing that “love” is the ONLY correct reason for entering marriage ...and nothing else.

Indeed, have you ever noticed that people who marry for any reason other than love are often discriminated against in society and subjected to certain negative stereotypes? In western culture, people naturally assume that someone who does not marry out of love is most likely:

  • Manipulative
  • Suspicious
  • Miserable
  • And just generally bad.

It is automatically assumed that there is something wrong with a person who does not marry out of love and/or that they are doing something wrong and unethical.

But isn’t love “all you need” as the song goes?

If you believe in things like that, then you are letting artificial things like “songs” and “movies” dictate how you should live your life. And if you let artificial things like these dictate your life, then don’t expect things to go too well for you.

As I said earlier, it is a fact of modern society that we have been programmed from an early age into believing that love solves all problems in life. The media, through songs and movies, is one of the biggest modes of this programming effect that we have all been subjected to.

I’m not saying that love is a bad thing. It most certainly isn’t. But when you put an over reliance on love above other things, you are creating and unhealthy expectation of any relationship you get into …which is likely to result in increasing the chances of that relationship failing.

How Marriage Worked Before The Onset Of The Medias Influence

Until about 200 years ago, love was not one of the main reasons for marriage. Instead people usually married for convenience or for their own political or financial gain. It is worth noting that at this point, divorce was very rare.

But as soon as people started marrying more for love, marriage dissolutions actually became more commonplace. This became more evident the more the media and its influences came into our lives.

In the 70s, the divorce rates grew exponentially from a mere 11% during the 1950s to a staggering 50% …where it currently stands today. When marriage is based on love you have a fundamental problem – when love ends, so too does the marriage.

Understanding Love

Love in reality is much different than how it’s painting the love songs we hear and the rom-coms we watch.

Here are some reasons why:

  • Love Changes: There is no such thing as a static “everlasting love” and if you still believe that this type of love exists, then you need to look beyond what you have been spoonfed by the media. Love is an ever-changing emotion. One day, you might think you’re really in love with someone and it will last forever, and by tomorrow, you might already be seeing this person differently. This is the reality of the emotion called love.
  • Love is not a strong foundation for marriage: Love can be a very powerful emotion, but the fact that it is a fleeting, unstable emotion is what makes it dangerous to use as your only foundation for marriage. A marriage that is founded on such an unstable emotion is doomed to fail from the very beginning.
  • Love is NOT all you need: While this may be a very romantic notion, it is not a very realistic one. There are other needs that come into play inside of marriage other than love such as mutual respect, future goals and your basic compatibility with your partner. These are much more important than love in sustaining a long-term relationship.

Just keep in mind before you marry out of love that sometimes you people just fall in love with the idea of being in love rather than with their partner.

So what should I look for other than love?

On the other hand, when people marry for reasons other than love such as:

  • Financial stability
  • To have children together with a good parent
  • General companionship

Research has shown that these marriages tend to last longer than marriages entered into simply out of love. This is because someone who enters marriage with these pragmatic goals tends to have less fancy, and unrealistic expectations out of marriage.

At the end of the day, I would much rather marry someone that I am in love with than not. But when you let love form an overly large part in the reason why you are marrying a specific person, the more you are moving away from the chances of that marriage actually succeeding.

A happy and successful marriage is one which is based on a balance of love and specific pragmatic needs being met and fulfilled. When you depend too much on love, you’re likely to end up disappointed …and that’s where divorce can offer an all-too easy solution to a marriage that didn’t live up to how you thought love would make it.