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Why do we fall in love? (WARNING: It’s not how you think!)

Why do we fall in love?
Can the psychology of love explain it?
Why do people fall in love?

When most people think of love, they generally think of it as something which is outside their control and based on obscure things like “fate” or “destiny”. They think of concepts like “The One” and “it was meant to be” etc.

After reading this article, you will no longer look at love the same way again.


This is because the psychology of love spells out a COMPLETELY different reality. Let’s now look at love psychology a bit more closely to find out why do humans fall in love and what makes you fall in love.

Experiment: Why do we love?

An experiment was carried out by Authur Aron P.H.D. at the University Of California to examine how do people fall in love. He took a number of men and women who had never met before and paired them together to make random couples. He then had each “couple” sit together in a room for 90 minutes. 

Both people were instructed beforehand that:

  1. The other person was going to like them
  2. To make eye-contact with the other person
  3. To share intimate information such as their goals in life, earliest childhood memory, how they felt when a grandparent or parent died etc.
  4. And to tell the other what they liked about them both physically and about their personality.

At the end of the experiment, both people left the room via separate doors. The experiment was conducted a number of times with different people. 

So what happened?

Well, something very very strange happened. Many of the pairs of people admitted feeling a deep sense of connection and attachment towards the other person after the experiment. Indeed, one of the couples actually ended up MARRYING …despite the fact that they never knew each other before the experiment and they had been chosen at random as to who would be paired with who. 

So, what does this show us about why do people love? Why were these people attracted to each other? Was it fate? Was it meant to be? Were they “the one”? …Well not really. Let's take a closer look...

What The Experiment Showed About Why People Fall In Love

The experiment showed that love could be manipulated when the right set of circumstances were created. And that this could even be achieved in a laboratory setting in the space of 90 minutes! 

As you can see, the experiment above covered 4 main points. In my book “THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology” I go through these in more detail, as well as going more deeply into the psychology of love and how to make someone fall in love with you …who otherwise would have just looked at you as a friend.

And how to do this REGARDLESS of your looks.

The reality is that love is not based on “fate” or “destiny”. These are just concepts invented by Hollywood to make you feel all warm and fussy when you sit and watch the rom-coms they sell you and the music you listen to.

We fall in love for many DIFFERENT reasons. All of which can be logically explained.

No! I loved this person the minute I first saw them!

What about love at first sight you might say. If you found yourself feeling a strong attraction towards this person the first time you ever saw them doesn’t this mean it was “fate” and that you were “destined” to be with this person?

I’m afraid not.

If you once loved someone, and you then saw a stranger on the street that looked like this person, you would probably find yourself drawn to this complete stranger. You would consider them to be very good-looking even though your friend might consider them just ordinary. Because this person looks like someone you once loved, your view of them is immediately biased in favour of them …and you will find yourself liking them. 

Likewise, if you saw a stranger on the street that looked like someone you didn’t like (such as someone who once bullied you for example), you would probably find yourself not liking this complete stranger. Your view of this complete stranger is immediately biased against them …and you will find yourself disliking them (even though they did nothing to you).

What This Shows About Why We Fall In Love

This shows us how easily our mind can trick us into feeling emotions for people that make no logical sense. Our mind can draw us towards (or repel us from) someone new, just because they remind of us of someone from our past who influenced our lives in a positive way.

This person from our past can be:

  • A parent
  • A friend
  • A cousin
  • Or someone you once loved. 

The more this person influenced you in a positive way, the more you will find yourself being drawn to people who resemble them. This is what makes people fall in love. All this happens at the subconscious level and you will have no idea that this new person is reminding you of someone from your past. 

This is just one way in which love at first sight can happen …and it has nothing to do with “fate” or “destiny”. When you understand the psychology of falling in love, it makes it easier to make someone you like fall in love with you …as well as get over someone who has just broken up with you.